


That's not my name

by dizbil



Category: Supernatural
Genre: M/M, Romantic Comedy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-06-24
Updated: 2012-06-30
Packaged: 2017-11-08 11:30:41
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 36,457
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/442755
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dizbil/pseuds/dizbil
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Do you know Sarah Wesson? The famous writer giving advices to people? Well she has nothing to do with Dean, the man just works in the same newspaper as her. That's all. Expect that it's not really the truth, but Dean doesn't have time to worry about that. No, he's too busy falling in love with that perfect literature teacher, Castiel Novak.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Fic written last summer. Hope you enjoy it.  
> There are still some mistakes (sorry).

"No. I won't do it."

Dean was pissed. And, knowing him, it wasn't really that easy to get him upset. But then again, not a lot of people could claim they knew Dean Winchester very well. Dean was thirty two, single and working at the local town newspapers. And in a town like Chicago, there were a lot of local newspapers. And Dean worked in the one where Sarah Wesson, the famous writer, gave advice and encouragement to women of the East Coast and all the way through America. _Yes_ , that famous newspaper.

To everyone, Dean was just a regular guy, coming there to make some photocopies and enjoy the free coffee like the rest of the employees. However Dean wasn't like every other employee. For instances not every employee was called into the editor chief’s office. Zachariah was known to be a busy man and he cared more about money than writing. All of that had never been Dean's problem, until today.

And saying no, he hoped that he would be frightening in some sort of way, his green eyes throwing a cold look at Zachariah, his fists clenched on his lap. But it wasn't easy to be frightening when you were sitting on a chair too small for you, or when your boss was wearing a high price suit and you were in your usual ripped off jeans. Dean's face however showed none of that, but deep down inside of him, he knew he was screwed.

And Sammy asked him why he hated Tuesdays so much ...

Zachariah laughed and Dean rolled his eyes, trying to move in his seat. His boss was enjoying this way too much and Dean suspected that he chose this seat on purpose. To make people think they were inferior. Hell ... _Someone_ here had some serious issues.

"I said I won't."

Dean had spoken again, wanting nothing more than to end the conversation and go back to do what he‘d been doing all alone. Which was finish all the donuts. Ash, the new intern, had bought donuts for everyone. Hell yeah, Dean was a sucker when it came to donuts. So the plan was simple, get the hell out of Zach’s office, find some lame excuse to have the box for himself ( _'I've got this disease call hypoglycemia you know? I need to have sugar in system at all hours of the day'_ ), call his brother to see if he was still going to have lunch with him today.

"What's the matter Dean?" finally said Zachariah, folding his arms on his chest and standing up.

Dean snarled at that. Apparently, Zach needed to feel in charge of everything. Gosh, he must be awful in bed. That thought made Dean laugh and he bit his lower lip. Because laughing at his boss was not professional ... at all. Dean tried to look away, at the window, to think about something else. Yes, _donuts_. Juicy and creamy donuts, just waiting for him to come back and ...

"It's just a party, a simple party, Sarah can meet some of her fans and signs some autographs."

Dean's gaze went back at Zachariah, looking at him like he was about to murder him. They both knew the truth about Sarah Wesson. There was no Sarah Wesson, never would and never would be."Don't you think it's time you come clean, son?"

Dean kept ignoring Zachariah, his eyes now on the poster glued on Zachariah's wall. _"Sarah Wesson, Chicago Fairy God mother."_ It said. There was also a picture of a young and very attractive woman. Sarah Wesson. She had blond hair, just like Dean. She had green eyes, just like Dean. And her skin was tanned, exactly like Dean's.

Dean Winchester _was_ Sarah Wesson.

Yes, for three years now, Dean wrote using this pseudonym. It was completely ridiculous, he knew it, but for some unknown reason, people tended to trust a woman more than a man. And his readers weren't only mature women, there were also teenagers going through a crisis, men trying to understand women, old people who wanted to try at life again ... All kind of people asking Dean for advice about their love-lives and other issues.

And the worst part, aside from the fact that Dean seemed to be good at giving advice, was that he liked it.

Writing had always been his passion and writing for other people was exciting. Dean had become addicted to his own column, he loved to be in the shoes of Sarah Wesson and imagine how she would answer to people. And yes, he also knew it was twisted and that, deep down, Sarah was only a part of himself. The most vulnerable part of himself he was hiding from everyone else, because Dean didn't want to be hurt. And really, thank you Sam and his stupid analysis. (Sammy was in

a _freaking_ law school for god's sake, he wasn't supposed to know anything about psychology.)

And yes, finally for those still wondering, Dean was gay. Completely gay and totally gay in the most gayest way. But it didn't have anything to do with the fact that he was good at helping people. Nothing at all. Listening to other's people issues instead of dealing with his own was his thing. Because, ironically and for Sam's hilarity, Dean was single.

Sarah always pushed people to try their best and always go for it if they thought they had found love but Dean was single. For a very long time. And no, the few men he picked up in bars from time to time didn't count. After all, Dean was only human and he had needs. And great, now he was thinking about the last time he had sex. In the office of his boss. The same boss who was still staring at him ... _Awkward._

Dean cleared his throat, hiding his smile in the process before he answered. "No. Sarah Wesson answers to mails and that's that. I don't want anything else ... okay?"

Because really, Dean didn't want to have to explain why he was doing this. He didn't want to come clean as Zachariah pointed out. Sam and his boss knew the truth and that was it. And, by the way, could you image all the awkward conversations that sudden revelation will provoke? Yes, I pretend to be a woman when I write. _No, I don't put on women underwear when I do it, yes I've already tried it, they were pink satin, it felt pretty good in fact and ..._

Back to reality, Dean please. Zachariah was approaching him, a warm smile on his face. Dean did his best to not roll his eyes at that as Zachariah was sitting on his desk, right next to him.

"Dean, I know how you feel about your privacy. But I would never ask you that if it wasn’t important."

"Important? Let me guess ... It's going to help you to sell more newspapers? "

"And you to have more money at the end of every month."

"I don't want more money."

"Your column could have more space in the journal."

"I don't want more space in the journal."

"Did I tell you that some of my friends are interested of contacting you for a book?"

"I don't want..."

Dean shut his mouth, eyes wide open staring at Zachariah. A b... A what? This couldn't be true. Dean was not a good writer, and by good he meant, worth having a book... well he wish he could but he was just ...

Good point for Zachariah, he had made Dean wonder, face still showing nothing except complete boredom. But he wasn't bored, if Dean was something, it was completely alert. Having your name in a journal was one thing, but a book.

A _fucking_ book.

Sammy would take him seriously now, and he could parade around his brother's dorm room with his book in hand with his name and ... Wait. Not _his_ name. _Sarah_ 's name.

"Well ..." Dean paused to choose his words well, not wanting to give Zachariah full satisfaction. "If you're willing to talk to your friends ... I can ... I don't know... Show up and we'll see what happen."

"Excellent." Zachariah clapped his hands like the old business man he was. "I'm glad you’ve come to your senses, you'll tell to the public yourself, and tomorrow it'll be our front page. The truth about Sarah Wesson, written in big letters and of course, and a picture of you. With a lovely face like that, everyone will forgive you."

Did Zachariah just say he had a lovely face? Creepy. Super creepy. And not, hey let's watch a horror movie creepy, more like I think my boss is attempting to get me in his bed creepy. But Dean ignored it as Zachariah was already pacing his office more happy than ever.

"I said I'll come ... not that I'll tell the truth."

And this time, Dean couldn't help it, he laughed as Zachariah looked at him. His expression was priceless, he was the one close to murder now and Dean was just there, trying to look innocent, big green eyes staring at his boss. Dean even dared to pout, being just _adorable_.

"What did you just say?" asked Zachariah, apparently not amused by Dean’s sudden change of attitude.

"I'll go to your damn party, okay? I'll even talk in front of everyone if you want. But no one will know I'm Sarah Wesson. I'll just..." Dean paused for a moment, looking at the Sarah poster for inspiration. Damn you and your fake boobs, he thought, you're going to be the death of me. "I'll just pretend to be Sarah's assistant, I'll tell people she's sick and she's very sorry she couldn't make it."

Dean folded his arms on his chest, really proud of himself. It probably wasn’t a clever idea but Zachariah was not changing his mind. Once he had something planned, it was really difficult to make him give up. Zachariah seemed to understand that it was a lost battle because he went back to

sitting behind his desk.

"All right Dean ... We'll do it your way. You better be convincing."

"Oh trust me ..." Dean got on his feet, smiling. "I'll be convincing."

Dean threw him one of his many winks, the kind that usually guaranteed him a good night with anybody but Zachariah's face hardened.

_Oh crap._

He just grabbed his coffee mug and rushed out of the office.

Lying and hiding ... His life was so fucked up. But hey! Donuts were still waiting for him so ... he'll think about it later.

~~~

"Isn't it the brightest plan you've ever heard?" Dean said smiling.

It was lunch time and he and his brother Sam were sitting at the terrace of a restaurant. The restaurant was a few blocks away from Dean's office and Sam had taken the bus to meet him there. It was their daily routine. Even if Sam complained, saying he had to cross all city and sometimes be late to class, just in order to have lunch with Dean. Dean knew deep down Sam didn't mind at all and it was part of the brotherly act. Plus, Dean was his only family and they were as close as two brothers could be. Which meant a lot.

Without waiting for an answer, Dean went back to his burger. Two slices of bread, a lot of cheese, a few vegetables (more precisely, tomato, salad and gherkin), juicy meat and rasher. In other words : _heaven._

He took a bite and chew happily and lifted his eyes to Sam. His hazel eyes were on Dean, half amused and half disgusted by the way Dean was eating. Because no, after twenty eight years of this, Sam was still wondering how could they be related. He shook his head, brown hair falling down his face as he finally answered.

"Dean ... Even coming from you ... I mean." Sam sighed, looking at him, bitchface to the maximum. "It's the stupidest plan I've ever heard. And I was raised in the same house as you, which says a lot about your plan."

Dean rolled his eyes, letting go of his burger for a minute, wiping his hands on a napkin. Here they were, the conversation he didn't want to have. Because of course, Sammy would make him feel guilty. And also restrain him from eating. He looked down to his burger for a second, biting his lips.

_Baby please don't be mad at me ... You know he's jealous of this thing between us. I'll be back in a few minutes._

"Oh come on Sammy ... Give me a break. It was the best I could come up with."

"Oh I bet it was Dean ... And what about ... hmmm I don't know ... Telling the freaking truth?"

"You know I can't do that."

"Why? I mean ... Yeah, people are going to talk, screw them! Since when do you care anyway?"

Sam had a point. Dean usually didn't care about that. If he wanted to do something, even if it was completely reckless and stupid, he usually went for it. Like break into your boyfriend’s house to use the swimming pool or pretend to be a FBI agent just for free items at the supermarket. Dean laughed at that one but he stopped when he saw Sam’s serious face.

_Bitch._

"I don't care about what people think about me ..." Dean said kicking Sam's foot underneath the table."I care about what they think of my writing." mumbled Dean, looking away.

"You're such a drama queen, you know that Dean?" replied Sam, hitting him too.

And _ouch_ , the kid had grewn up... a lot. It was already humiliating to know _he_ was the tall one...

"For the love of ... Sam, you're supposed to be a good little brother and be supportive."

"I'm being a good brother by telling you what you don't want to hear, jerk. Seriously, the more you wait, the harder it's going to be to tell the truth. You need to tell the world the truth about Sarah Wesson. And fast."

"I will ... Don't look at me like that. I will ... soon ... Just making sure people are really interested of publishing me, and then I'll tell the truth."

"Really?"

"No ... Not really, but will you shut up now?"

"You wish, Dean, you wish."

Sam finally had a smile on his face and Dean took this opportunity to grab his burger again. Sorry for the interruption, darling. Sammy knows I love you more than him. Dean went back to chew happily and they ate in a comfortable silence.

Dean, his burger and Sam... his salad. Seriously... _How are we related again?_

"Seriously Sam ... when I invite you to lunch ... please ... eat something."

"I am eating! I'm not the one destroying my body ..."

"Stop talking like a girl."

"Oh no Dean ... You did not just say that to me." He put back his flatwares on the table, smiling. "Fine ... Let's see what Sarah has to say about that."

Sam took off his phone from his pocket and Dean frowned as he pretend to send a text. "Dear Sarah, my brother is a big fat idiot lying to everyone ... what do you think he should do."

So not funny at all... Okay maybe a little bit funny. Dean let go of his burger one more time, wanting nothing more but to wipe away the genuine smile on Sam's face.

"Dear Sam." Dean said emphasizing his name."Your brother is the finest piece of ass in this town and since he's the oldest, let him do whatever the fuck he wants and assume his own responsibilities. PS : cut your hair, the puppy look does not suit you. "

"How dare you ... Plus that's not what Ruby thinks." Sam had his hand on his chest, pretending to be shocked. Dean laughed, he just couldn't stay mad at Sam for very long.

"Ouh ... Ruby. So it's getting serious between you two? Finally over Jess, hmm?"

He knew the subject was hard for Sam, Jessica had been his high school girlfriend and they even went to the prom together. But unfortunately, Jessica got accepted to a College in France and so they both decided to just stay friends. Dean knew Sam better than himself and his brother hadn't handle the separation very well. However now, there was this new girl in his life, they were in the same classes and Sam wouldn't shut up about her. A good thing according to Dean.

"Yeah I think ... but don't try to change subject." Sam took his fork, basically attacking his brother’s arm."You. Need. To. Tell. The. Truth." He punctuated every word by pinning his fork in Dean's skin. Dean looking at him smiling. It seemed really important to Sam.

"I will Sam ... I will."

Because there was no way he was letting his little brother down, he just needed more time.

~ ~~

This party sucked. Bad. Really bad.

And Dean had been to a lot of parties, fell asleep on many couches and woken up countless times in nothing but his underwear and a bad taste in his mouth. Good times, he thought smirking. But that was so not the kind of party the journal was haunting. No, it was the kind of party with pop music, neon lights, leather couches to sit on and talk to people, champagne and... the worst part according to Dean, sushi.

Dean rolled his eyes, looking at the finger food. And no, he didn't eat before coming here because he had thought he could drink and eat on the journal's account. Except that Dean wasn't a sushi man... at all... He wanted meat and nothing else.

All of that was Zachariah's fault he thought, standing in the back of the room, glass of champagne in hand, looking at people. Most of them were women, middle age women more precisely, and they were all holding one copy of the journal, Sarah's face well visible. The few men present had rings on their fingers and Dean could only guess their wives had dragged them here. Dean smiled a little, thinking that sometimes marriage sucked.

He wasn't nervous at all... No. It wasn't like he was about to lie to all this people no. No... He didn't ignore all of Sam's texts because he was feeling guilty nor was the smile on his face fake. No. But Dean happened to be a great liar so this night would just be a formality. Then everything would go back to normal.

Well as normal as your life can be when you're pretending to be someone else. Yeah stuff like that.

Dean noticed someone look at him. Or more precisely at his boots, the lady gave him a disapproving look before turning away. His gaze went down : what was wrong with his boots? Okay, he wasn't dressed up to the nines like everyone else so... Dean had however made a slight effort : he was wearing a white shirt and a black tie, the tie belonged to Sam, and his usual jeans and yes his boots. No way he was wearing the full monkey suit. Zachariah had to do more than promise him a book for that to happen.

Anyway, Dean was here for twenty minutes and he really wanted to go home. Or to Sam's room so he could mess with him while the latter was trying to study. Or he could finally meet Ruby or...

Dean track of thoughts was interrupted by the man who just entered in the room. He took off his beige trench coat and, taking a glass of champagne, he just stood there, looking around him. And _fuck_... He was fine... More than fine. Dean's hand gripped his own glass harder as he was studying him from afar. Because it's not creepy to check out a random stranger... right? Dean

repeated that to himself as he made his way to the mysterious man, trying to look nonchalant.

They were a few feet away now and the man didn't seem to be aware of Dean’s presence, he was apparently looking for someone and his eyes were scanning the room and his fucking eyes ...

From Dean's distance, they seemed ink blue, but Dean could swore he never saw a blue that intense. It was really hard to look away and Dean had no intention to. It was strange, how a simple gaze could draw him to someone.

It was like being alive for the first time, finally everything clicked, and everything was in place and... What happened next happened so fast that later, Dean would say his heart missed a beat. Like in a romance movie, the kind of movie you watch alone at night with a bucket of ice-cream and your favorite pillow. Dean never had that in his life and when the man finally turned at him he asked himself maybe and he shivered.

Those piercing blue eyes were on him, and a few more seconds later, a light smile appeared on the man face. Dean just had the chance to notice how pink his lips were and how his pale skin made his eyes glow and his dark messy hair before he felt someone grabbing his shoulder. Dean didn't want to look away and he was about to smile back but the hand on his shoulder got more insistent.

Dean turned, his look clearly saying : "what? It better be fucking important!". It was Zachariah and he was smiling. Dean sighed, this kind of thing was never good for him.

"Time for your little speech son."

"Sure, just give me a minute."

Dean turned back, hoping he could smile to the blue eyed man but he had disappeared. He frowned and let Zachariah drag him to the stage, in front of everyone. What the fuck? He only had one glass of champagne, he couldn't be hallucinating now... Right?

Dean stared at his empty glass, wondering. He didn't pay any attention to Zachariah's speech to the audience and frankly he didn't care, he was more worried about finding out if he totally invented the mysterious oh and also perfect guy.

Next thing he knew, Zachariah was basically pushing him in front of the stage, shoving the mic in his hands. Dean looked up and realized that everyone was staring at him.

He smiled. Well... Fuck. And then he noticed the blue eyed guy. Still smiling at him. Thank god he wasn't going crazy... Not yet. Plus that guy was really cute and... Zachariah cleared his throat behind him. _Fuck, yeah, talk Dean, talk._ Dean cleared his own throat before he spoke, eyes still glued on his mysterious man. "Hello everyone ... My name is Dean Winchester and I'm Sarah’s personal assistant. I would like to

thank you all for coming but unfortunately she's quite sick and she couldn't make it."

At that, there were a few whispers and talking in the audience but the blue eyed guy didn't move at all. He was just standing in the middle of the crowd, trench coat in hand, looking at Dean.

"But she would like you to know that she's very sorry and that she appreciates all of your support. When she began writing she never thought that many people would come to her... And don't worry, she may be sick but she'll answer her mails and we will all get new advices tomorrow. So enjoy the party!"

Dean threw the best smile he got to the crowd and people start applauding. He then turned to Zachariah and shoved the mic back into his hands and he came down from the stage, almost running. Dean had done his part of the deal and now he could focus on one important thing, his mysterious man.

And apparently they had the same idea because Dean saw him from afar coming to him. They were going to cross at some point and then... And then what? Dean didn't really know, he'll just improvise.

Except that, usually in Dean's life, nothing was going according to what he had in his head. Halfway to his mysterious smile, Dean was intercepted by a woman.

"Excuse me Mr Winchester?"

"Yes?" Dean turned to the woman, his lips forming a thin line.

_Not now... Please. Not now. I gotta talk to this guy. At least just say hi._

"I would like to ask you a few questions if that's okay with you?"

_No, it is so not okay with me sista, I want to talk to the cute guy other there, not you!_

"Sure why not?"

Dean was becoming an expert at hiding his feelings, it was starting to be frightening. And as the woman was talking, Dean’s eyes were scanning the room, looking for mysterious man again. And thank god, he was still there. They were pretty close now, except that there was this woman talking to Dean.

The guy threw him a look clearly meaning "sorry", Dean's answer was to mouth "help me, please?". And he frankly thought mysterious man didn't see it. Except that he did see it and next thing he knew, mysterious guy was standing right next to him, one hand on Dean's shoulder.

Fuck.

Dean did his best not to shiver. Those eyes were really that blue... He wasn't seeing a thing. And the way that Adam apple popped out of mysterious guy white shirt was very attractive, Dean wanted nothing more but to bend over and lick his neck and...

"Dean! It's been such a long time! I was going to call you and everything..."

Holy fuck, _his voice ..._ His voice was so low and so deep, Dean felt his grip harden on his glass and the way he said his name... Mysterious guy gave him an intense look. What? Oh right... The rescue mission.

"Oh yeah! I didn't know you were coming, how are you?"

"I'm fine and..." Mysterious guy turned to the woman and said "Do you mind if I borrow him for a few minutes... We need to catch up and everything." He then threw her a dazzling smile and she said "sure", and a few moments later Mysterious guy was dragging him to the exit.

Near the door, he finally let go of Dean, still smiling. They were still pretty close and they remained silent for a few minutes. Dean looking at those big blue eyes and the man staring back.

_Now what do I do? Fuck ... It looks so much simple in the movie. Oh get a grip... You're Dean fucking Winchester remember?_

Except that mysterious man was making Dean nervous. Him. Mister Cool and I don't give a fuck.

"Hmm... Thanks a lot for ... for the rescue." Dean finished his sentence in a laugh, doing his best to relax.

"Oh it was nothing, you asked for my help so ... I helped. My name is Castiel by the way."

Castiel extended his hand and Dean immediately took it in his. No magic sparks here the contact felt just really warm. Oh and also Castiel’s smile was really cute... But other than that no spark at all. Dean finally let go of the hand, finishing his champagne in one long sip.

While he was doing it, Castiel’s eyes were on him, not even blinking and not even seeming like he needed to. Weird. Just like his name. Weird, and very unusual, and quite sexy actually. Just like his voice.

Damn it Dean shut up, you can't already obsess over a guy you met like five minutes ago or something.

"So ... you want to get out of here?" Castiel asked him the question really fast and then looked away. Like he was sure Dean was going to turn him down.

"Fuck yes! Let's get out of here."

~~~

It felt natural to follow Castiel. Like he knew Dean, but that was a stupid feeling and Dean just had to ignore it. Just like he had to ignore the way his stomach reacted when Castiel held the door for him. That was very stupid, Dean wasn't a girl and his life was not a movie. Far from a movie actually.

Outside it was already dark, the night had fallen on Chicago, a few stars in the sky. Dean looked up to the heavens, walking away from his office. He could hear Castiel behind him, but neither of them broke the silence.

They moved silently, walking in Chicago's streets, the restaurants slowly closing, a few cars passing by. There was a slight breeze and Dean shivered. That was when he realized he had forgotten his jacket at work. He turned to Castiel, who offered him his trench coat.

"Here. Put it on, you'll feel warmer." Apparently, they came to the same conclusion. Dean whispered a quick thanks before taking the

coat from the other's hands and put it on. Strangely, the trench coat fit him well, almost like it belonged to Dean.

"Better like this, right?"

Dean nodded and they kept walking. Dean bit his lower lip trying not to say what he wanted. Like for example that Castiel looked so freaking sexy in his black suit and he would love to draw him by the tie and kiss him. Or that his trench coat smelled incredibly good, it was a cinnamon scent which was probably one hundred percent Castiel. Gosh Dean had some issues ...

 _You just met the guy, you don't even know his last name and you're smelling his coat... You know what? I think we have reached a new level of weirdness... Sammy will be proud._ He laughed silently and Castiel turned to him.

"No... Nothing. It's just that I don't know you and I'm wearing your coat, weird right?"

"Well if you put it that way, it's really weird actually ..."

Castiel ran one hand on the back of his neck, looking ill-at-ease. Which was absolutely cute and under the night and the city lights, his eyes seemed clear blue, almost like they were bathed in light, shinning just for Dean. Castiel cleared his throat before he talked again.

"Are you hungry?"

"I'm starving in fact... There were never going to be enough sushi for me... But why are you asking anyway?"

Castiel moved his head to the right and Dean followed his move. He noticed a hot dog vendor a little further, on the opposite sidewalk, just outside the entrance of a park.

"How did you know I love hot dogs? Are you a mind reader or something?"

"Well..." Castiel smiled. "I'm not. But I'll make sure I don't forget that for the next time."

"So there'll will be a next time... then. Good to know."

Castiel turned his head, looking away, starting to blush because of Dean’s suggestive gaze. Dean laughed before heading to the hot dog guy. Still no sparks but he was wearing Castiel’s trench coat and he figured how to make him blush so... That was still good.

~ ~~

To be honest, Castiel didn't feel like a stranger at all. It was weird and it was doing things to Dean's stomach to walk next to him and to talk to him. They discussed the last movie Castiel saw, just because Dean had seen an ad on a bus. Listening to Castiel talking was a pure torture.

His eyes were doing this thing as he talked and his shyness seemed to disappear as he expressed himself clear and precise. He insisted to pay for the hot dogs and Dean did his best to not roll his eyes at that... First the door, now this? A gentlemen it seemed... And yes, while Castiel was paying, Dean had pinched himself just to be sure he wasn't dreaming.

Next thing he knew, Castiel, with a bright smile on his face was handing him his food. They ate in silence, Dean being too busy to do anything else. No matter how fascinating Castiel was, for Dean Winchester, it was food first and then the rest of the world. Dean didn't know how, and frankly it had zero importance, they ended up inside the park, sitting on the edge of a fountain, after Castiel reassured him that it was okay if his trench was got a little wet.

Their knees were touching, brushing against each other, but Dean didn't want to move and Castiel didn't seem to mind.

"So... How is it to work for Sarah Wesson?"

Dean winced. Fuck... Fuck. He had forgotten this small little detail. For Castiel, he was Sarah Wesson's personal assistant. Well... Dean swallowed nervously, hearing Sammy's voice in his head.

_I told you..._

_Oh shut up!_

"I'm sorry! I'm sorry... You must spend your days talking about Sarah... I'm sorry, let's talk about something else."

Dean stopped staring at their knees and looked up to Castiel face. He really looked sorry.

"It's okay... It's just..." he sighed. "Yeah, I spend my days talking about her... It's kinda annoying in fact."

"I'm sure it is..."

"Are you a fan of Sarah?" He wanted to know how can someone like Castiel had ended up in a party like this.

"Well... I wouldn't call myself a fan but... I do love her writing style... I find it quite refreshing. Plus, she helped me when I was going through a difficult phase...So yeah..."

"Oh... So you've already sent her a mail?"

How could Dean miss something like that? If someone named Castiel had sent an mail to Sarah he would have noticed ... right? Then again, people sometimes used pseudonyms or a simple letter, and they didn't send pictures of them so... Yeah, Dean could have missed it.

"No... Never. But I read her column every day... And I studied one of her articles with my students last month."

"You what?" Dean's jaw dropped and Castiel smiled. "You're a teacher or something?"

"Yes. I'm a literature teacher. In college. And I do believe in diversity, so I can make my students work on an Oscar Wilde novel or a Sarah Wesson article. It's still literature to me."

"Wow... Well ... she's going to be very happy to hear about it."

_I am very happy to hear about it. I didn't know my articles were worth studying._

"So..." Dean cleared his throat trying to be subtle about it. "So you think she can actually ... write a book and be published?"

"Absolutely! She will have to find a good idea and work hard on the plot. She's got everything you can ask for in a book, her style is new, fresh and yes a little bit raw. But I like to think that is part of the charm."

...

Dean opened his mouth to say something, but he shut it because there was no words. Wow... He never had thought his writing was good. And Castiel was a goddam literature teacher, for college students. It had to mean something right? First thing to do in the morning, well after dancing while eating his bacon to celebrate, call Sammy.

"Dean are you okay?"

He felt Castiel's hand on his shoulder, through the trench coat and this contact was way better than Zachariah's hand. Way better.

"Yeah I'm fine..." he said looking into those big blue eyes. "More than fine actually. It's just wow... she's going to be very happy to hear that."

"Well I'm glad. But let's talk about something else... Do you write too?"

"Hmmm... Kinda. Nothing big. Just for myself."

_Liar._

"Great and ... do you... well..."

Castiel shut his mouth too, before he looked away, smiling. His hand was still on Dean's shoulder and apparently he had no intention to move it... Good. He looked back at Dean, a hint of a blushing on his face. That was cute. Super cute. And... fuck... They were close now, turned to each other, knees brushing, Castiel's hand on his shoulder, their faces a few inches apart and ... wow... why was his heart beating so fast?

"I'm sorry Dean... I don't... I don't usually do those kind of things."

"Me neither."

Why were they whispering?

Dean didn't know, it just felt like the right thing to do. He noticed the way Castiel looked at his lips, but it was just for a second, he looked back to Dean's eyes and opened his mouth to say something. But nothing came out. All Dean could hear was the water rushing through the fountain right next to them and his heart in his chest, pounding. Hard.

Oh fuck it...

One of Dean's hands found Castiel's jaw, his fingers tracing circles on it. Castiel didn't shave well that morning and Dean could feel it. Just like he felt Castiel tiny moan as his fingers were moving. That sound alone made Dean shivered and yet determined as he made his next move. His other hand reached for Castiel's face and sliding slightly on the edge of the fountain, he reduced the distance between them and pressed his lips against Castiel's.

The reaction was immediate. Castiel opened his mouth to him and within seconds, their tongues had found each other, nicely brushing against one and other and just like that... They were kissing.

It was a very sloppy, tender and yet awkward kiss. Dean was doing his best not to give in and fall in the water and he felt that Castiel was doing the same. However, he stopped thinking when the other hand of Castiel found his opposite hip. It felt incredibly cold. Even if Dean was still wearing the trench coat. Dean moaned in his mouth, soon followed by Castiel who was making the most delicious sounds in the world.

They shivered against one another, kissing slowly for a few minutes.

And Dean didn't want to pull away. He bit Castiel’s lower lip, causing him to moan, when he tried to. No, not now... This was exactly how every first kiss should have been, he didn't want to...

Castiel was however stronger than him and he pushed him away, smiling. They stayed close, forehead pressed together. Castiel had his eyes closed and he was trying to catch his breath. Dean was breathing hard against him, feeling dizzy.

Just one kiss. Just one tiny little kiss. Castiel opened his eyes and Dean shivered. "Like I said... I don't do this kind of things but... would you like to go to my place?"

He then bit his lower lip, so red now because of their kiss, eyes wide open looking at Dean. And Dean never felt so... loved, because it was the right word, in this entire life. Castiel really wanted him to come. Dean simply nodded, so not able to talk right now.

He'll think about it tomorrow.

~~~

Castiel’s place was amazing. It turned out he lived in the downtown, a few blocks away from Dean's office in fact. That thought made Dean slightly smile as they were standing next to each other in the elevator. They had probably crossed paths several times without even noticing each other. Really sometimes Life was strange.

And since when do you care anyway? Sam's voice again and Dean just ignored it, as Castiel was getting out of the elevator, leading them to his apartment. Seriously of all the people on Earth, his fucking conscience had to take Sammy's voice? Life was so freaking unfair... Dean however stopped thinking as Castiel opened the door.

"I'm sorry." Castiel said as Dean was stepping in, closing the door behind them. "It's a bit of a mess."

"No ... it's ... it's perfect."

Castiel's place felt warm and cozy, it was quite little and the living room, the kitchen and the bedroom formed one single room, books and newspapers everywhere. Dean smile grew bigger as he noticed a pizza box on the floor, next to some students copies (or it seemed) and the dishes still in the sink. He was glad to see that Castiel wasn't a clean and perfect host like his trench coat and black suit suggested. Dean turned to him and once again, Castiel had been staring at him the whole time. Dean could have blushed... He could have, but thankfully, his self control was still here. And it suddenly disappeared when Castiel smiled at him and help him get out of the trench coat.

Obviously, Dean could have done that himself.

But it was nice to feel Castiel right behind him, nice to feel those hands brushing against his own clothing and nice to have those same hands on his hips spinning him around and oh... Dean was facing Castiel eyes again. _Dude you're over thinking... shut up!_ And Dean did shut up. Right in time because Castiel kissed him, hands still on his hips so they were pretty close.

Dean moaned shamelessly and he let himself take control, running his fingers through his dark hair. His soft and dark hair. Gosh it felt good. Castiel was so serious and yet passionate about kissing... It was slow and tender and strong at the same time because his grip was firm on Dean's hips. He let go of Dean's mouth, grinning, only to lick the corner of his mouth. Dean shuddered, reducing the

last remain of space between them to nothing. "Oh fuck... Cas."

Castiel's glorious tongue was on his neck now and Dean threw his head back, giving him a better access. He was totally helpless and pliant underneath Cas’s touch. Dean wasn't usually that kind of lover, he was more about giving and... His eyes rolled at the back of his head as Castiel was sucking that perfect angle between his neck and his shoulder. He wanted more. His stomach was doing weird things, spamming and curling in the most nicest way, his skin was hot and cold at the same time and Castiel was just there.

Perfect and hard against him.

And Castiel was tracing his jaw with his tongue, turning Dean into a giant mess of sweat and moans, (how the fuck was he doing that?) when Dean moved against him. His own crotch meeting Castiel's.

"Dean..."

The latter had a sly smile on his face. Cas was looking at him, his eyes seeming weirdly blue, and Dean was able to see every shape of blue in them. The dark blue in the background, the icy blue in the corner and...

Castiel’s mouth was on his again and they were moving again. Kissing and making their way to the couch. Hands exploring each other, grabbing and caressing anything they could reach. Dean jumped a little bit when Cas’s hands found his ass, squeezing it and he almost tripped on a book. Almost, luckily Castiel was there. His shyness seemed to be back for a few seconds because he winced saying "Yeah I'm sorry I should..."

"Oh shut up." Dean wrapped his arms around his neck and silenced him with a long and wet kiss.

And Dean didn't know how, and frankly he was too busy drawing into Castiel's taste, but they ended up on the couch, Castiel on the top of him. It was messy and awkward and they laughed, breaking apart trying to find a good position. Dean’s hands were shaking, ruffling Cas’s hair as he was moving above him.

"I'm sorry."

"Stop saying that Cas. It's perfect."

"Perfect doesn't seem right."

"Yes it ... _fuuuuck_..."

Dean swallowed hard, Castiel had finally found the right position right between Dean's spread legs. Dean was quite in a vulnerable position and his shyness was for Castiel to see. Gosh now he was blushing. Cas must have seen it. Because he pressed his forehead against Dean and smiled. A honest and beautiful smile.

"Shh it's okay." He gave him a quick kiss, their lips brushing against each other, before he started moving his hips. And Dean lost it, lifting his hips to have more. It felt so good. He opened his mouth to moan as Castiel was rocking against him. So good... Dean grabbed his neck hardly and kissed him. It was a sloppy kiss, his crotch meeting Castiel's in the perfect angle and... Dean was so hard right now it was difficult to hold on.

Castiel's moves were raw and frantic and he was growling inside Dean's mouth. Dean smiled into their kiss, wrapping his legs around Castiel' waist. Castiel swore and lost balance, his chest crushing against Dean. Their embrace was perfect now. Moving their hips in rhythm, eyes clued on each other. Castiel was doing everything he could to drive Dean crazy and so was Dean. Oh gosh... Cas was sweating now, his moves more slow.

Dean was just following his lead and yet, he felt close too. So close it would only make the moment more perfect.

"We should... hmmm... stop."

"Yeah Cas... stop right now and I'll kill you."

Castiel laughed and his laugh became a moan when Dean made circles with his hips. And yeah Dean could be sneaky. He pulled hard on Cas’s hair and Castiel’s kiss was not so gentle anymore. It was as hard as the rest of him. Dean's own orgasm took him by surprise, he didn't notice Castiel’s own release, the latter more silent, coming too above him. Dean shivered from head to toe, feeling his hard on going away as cum was wetting his underwear, and jeans too.

He'll think about that later... Right now, Cas was falling in on the top of him. It was sticky and messy but the smile on Castiel's face and that new blue in his eyes... Dean kissed him on the cheek and Cas blushed, burying his head on Dean’s shoulder. Dean laughed, one hand still inside those awesome and soft hair.

"We should move." mumbled Castiel.

"Yeah, yeah." replied Dean closing his own eyes. He was feeling so good right now. Like he was floating or something like that. Plus, having a warm and nice body against his was so much better than a blanket. "I'm serious Dean." "Just give me five minutes."

They never moved.

Five minutes later they were both sleeping, Castiel had his head inside the curve of Dean's neck, and Dean a smile on his face.


	2. Chapter 2

Dean was not a morning person.

He usually slept until ten, even if he had gone to bed early the night before. Except that Dean wasn't at his place and he wasn't in his bed. And two things woke him up the morning right after the party. First of all the sun. Dean moaned, starting to move, feeling the sunlight against his face. He let escape a little "son of a bitch", his voice rusty because of all the moaning he had done last night.

Dean smiled, a smug smile in fact, as he remembered last night. He didn't open his eyes, already eager to go back to sleep, with the fresh and sweet memory of Castiel’s lips against his in his mind. Except that someone snored. The sound coming right inside of his ear. Dean’s eyes were opened ina second and now he was fully awake. He groaned, turning his head to Cas.

Castiel was still asleep, his warm body pressed against Dean, one of his hand’s on the top of the couch, the other on Dean's belly. Cas was smiling and Dean couldn't help but find him super cute like this. His hair was a giant mess, his pink lips were slightly parted, his tongue sticking out a little bit of his mouth... Dean swallowed because his mouth was dry as his gaze came up to Castiel closed eyes.

_Seriously Dean the fuck?_

He frankly didn't know what had happened last night. Cas was not supposed to be part of his plan. No, he was supposed to say his stupid speech, go back home to change and meet Jo and Ash for beers. Jo, one of his friend and working at the newspapers too, said she wanted to corrupt Ash. Just because he was the new one on their floor. Anyway. Cas.

Shy and perfect Cas. With his trench coat at Sarah's party. Fuck. Fuck.

Dean tried to move but apparently Castiel was trying to hold him still, either way, and because he was a little bit panicked, he ended up on the floor, his ass in the air and his nose buried in Castiel's carpet. Dean didn't move, even if the position was kind of humiliating.

_Stupid, stupid, stupid..._

How could he... Cas thought he was Sarah Wesson’s personal assistant! God damn it! Dean felt his heat racing up... Why? Why? Why now... Why did this cute and smart and sexy guy have to bump into him right now? Fuck, everything had seemed so simple and light last night and now. Shit.

They never talked about that part in those stupid romance novels he read when he was in the toilet. Guilty pleasure okay?

Dean stood up, on his knees now, and massaged his wrist a little. Castiel was still sleeping apparently, the noise didn't disturb him. Good. Because Dean needed to go. Even if he didn't want too. Shit, shit, shit. Dean didn't want Cas to be a one night stand, fuck they didn't have sex and it was still one of the greatest night’s of his life. Okay... He would leave his number and then go back home.

Nothing more, nothing less. It was up to Cas.

Dean grabbed a pen and a piece of paper, leaning on the coffee table to write. He noticed the letters addressed to "Professor Castiel Novak" and the sly smile was back. He had corrupted a freaking teacher... That was just too good. Dean put the paper with his name and his phone number next to Castiel’s laptop, so he would see it at some point and stood up.

Oops... He looked down. Another problem. It was a little bit stinky and messy down there, Dean rolled his eyes, stretching his legs. So much for the romance waking up... Anyway, let's go.

With a last glance to Cas, Dean turned around heading for the door and... fell again, because of a stupid book.

"Son of a bitch!" He growled, on all fours now. He turned to Castiel, the latter was still sleeping. Dean sighed before making his way out of the apartment... Still on his all fours because there was no way he was falling again.

~~~

A few hours later, it was a fresh and smiling Dean who stepped out of his own shower. He was humming. Yeah, he was fucking humming one of his favorite Led Zeppelin songs,  _Black Country Woman_ to be more precise, and was slightly dancing as he passed the towel all over his body.

Dean was a bad dancer and a badsinger, he knew it. Hell, the entire world knew it. But that didn't stop him from doing it. Besides he was happy again.

His stupid and quite dirty mind had managed to zap this morning from his memory and he was thinking about his perfect night again. His perfect night with Cas.

He went to his bedroom and threw the towel on his bed, only to wear black boxer’s and... nothing else. Nothing else except the necklace Sam gave him that Christmas, but it was okay. Dean was in his own apartment the least he could do was walk around naked, or partly naked. And yes, he did give the key of the said apartment to Sam, which had led them to awkward situations when Sammy came in without calling, only to find his big brother naked on his couch.

In those situations, Sammy usually threw anything he could reach at Dean, even if it was heavy (did you see his arms?) and Dean ran away in his room to dress. Not before shaking his butt, for his brother’s displeasure.

Dean sighed, smiling. Ahhh... Good times.

He went to the kitchen, turning the hotplate on. Dean wasn't a great cook however he was good enough to feed himself and it was already a big step. He threw the eggs, the bacon and some cheese in the stove and took a wooden spoon to stir it all. He kept humming as his meal was getting ready, still dancing and still happy.

His mind slightly drifted to the part where he gave his number to Castiel and he really hoped the latter would call him. To go on a date or something... Wow... dating. It seemed so strange for Dean, his last and real date was years ago. He and that guy... what the fuck was his name again? had gone for beers and they played billiard, Dean had off course won. And then they went back to the guy’s place, no but seriously what was his fucking name again, Dean fucked him on the couch. And he left the morning after. And he never saw the guy again.

_Dean that is so not a date, this is a one night stand._

He winced, hearing Sammy's voice in this head again.

Okay well, maybe he was a total whore going around with random men he found attractive or interesting or even both, but when it came to dating with Cas, Dean was totally ready. So was his breakfast. He put the mixture of eggs, cheese and bacon on a plate, filled his favorite mug (the one with Homer Simpson on it) with dark coffee and headed to the table.

He turned on his computer and waited, drinking his coffee and already began eating hisbreakfast. This was usually how Dean started his day. He was ready to answer his mails and write Sarah column. He usually spent three hours on this, five in the bad days.

He was writing his answers for the next day and had to deliver all to his office before three pm. The same routine went on all week, even the week end. But Dean didn't really mind because truth to be told he loved his job.

He had a slow and lousy computer but he didn't care about that either. Sam had several times mentioned the fact that with all the money he had, he could easily afford a new and better laptop. But Dean didn't want to. He had his own strange habits about writing and his old computer was part of it.

And, as he was finishing his plate, Word finally opened, a blank page was now in front of Dean. It took him twenty minutes to access to Sarah's mails and then he was ready. Time to write.

Sarah's chronicle usually started with a few words, even before the answers. Zachariah used to say that those words were very important to certain readers and brightened their days, Dean wasn't trying to impress anymore. He was just writing what he had in his mind. He stretched his arms and started writing, a smile on his face.

**Wednesday, September 7th**

**Hello dear readers... I like starting like this, it makes me feel important. However, I know I'm not. That's why I was really surprised to know that people actually went to the party dedicated to me. I'm sorry I couldn't be there, I was sick as hell. But I hoped you guys enjoyed the free food and the champagne. I really wish I could have been there to see that myself.**

Dean winced at that, in his mind Sammy was reading his journal, rolling his eyes. Okay, it was a lie. A big fat lie. But Sarah had to explain why she wasn't there, right? Dean shrugged before he kept writing.

**However I'm not here to bore you all to death with my stories. Plus my stories are not fascinating. I know some jokes... They're all dirty but still are jokes. They're from this friend of mine and usually, it always helps breaking the glass. Speaking of that special friend of mine... Something out of the ordinary happened to him last night.**

Dean stopped writing again. Because he was lying again. This friend of mine... Sarah was talking about his personal assistant. Him. But he was Sarah. And also the personal assistant. Fuck...

Dean rubbed one of his hands on his face, taking a deep breath. When did everything become so complicated in his life? To late to go back now right?

**And all of that, because he stepped out of his comfort zone. And then I wondered... when was the last time I did something out of the ordinary? When was the last time I put myself in a vulnerable position? Okay, it's scary as hell but... you've got to live at some point right? So from now on, I'm gonna do unexpected and scary things. Just to remind me that life can be fun and exciting as soon as I decide it can be. This is going to be way more fun than a diet... So who's with me?**

Dean didn't like what he wrote at all, but however it was exactly how he felt... So that'll do for today. He'll probably be in a better mood to write when Cas would call him. Because he would call right?

Dean sighed before he finished his coffee in one long sip. Time to answers some mails now. Dean didn't have one particular way to proceed, he just opened the mails and saw what he wanted to answer or not.

_Dear Sarah, I'm sure you probably won't see this, but anyway I'm still writing to you because it feels nice to have someone to talk to. Well... I'm 17 and in high school. It's kind of my last year, I'm a woman... Well no. Well almost... I've got this boyfriend. Rick. We've been together for a two weeks now and he wants to do it. He said everyone is doing it now, and he might go see someone else if we don't do it. And frankly I don't know ... Plus, if my mum sees me buy condoms, she'll tell my dad and I'd be grounded for life. M._

**Dear M,**

**First of all, Rick is a jerk okay? And second of all ... RICK IS A JERK! Finally... Did I mention that Rick is a jerk? Someone should hunt him down with a knife and make sure he'll never have kids. Kidding... (Or not.) Anyway let's get serious. You're young and you don't seem to know what you want. We're talking about sex here, and even if Rick doesn't seem to think so, sex is a big deal for a seventeen year old girl. Screw what the other people think or do. Screw Rick putting some pressure on your and more importantly, screw your parents.**

**It's about you.**

**This is your body. And you decide what you want to do with it. I know it sounds like one of those cheesy health commercials but sadly it's the truth. You've been with this body for seventeen years, so this guy can get what he wants after two weeks? HELL NO. Honestly, I don't think Rick is the right one. You think you're in love right now, but trust me, nobody falls really in love at seventeen. It might sound harsh, but it's the truth. Take your time... And find another boyfriend. One who will at least respect what YOU want.**

**Love, Sarah.**

Dean threw a murderous glare at his computer, wanting to find this Rick guy and shove his dick off. Before he started writing, he had always thought women had an easy life and their only problem was to match the color of their handbags to the color of their shoes. It had been wrong. Obviously.

And he frequently received mails about douchebags who didn't have any self control and terrified girlfriends. Dean just had to answer to at least one of them every day, so other girls would know they weren't alone.

Dean was ready to move on to the next answer when he finally noticed an e-mail from a certain "C. Novak." Dean let escape a "son of a bitch" as his grip around his mug loosened and it fell on the floor. Fuck. Dean grabbed it and ran to the sink to put it there, and grabbed the sponge. He wiped away the last remains of coffee before he faced his computer again.

Castiel didn't call Dean. But he sent an e-mail to Sarah. Fuck.

Dean could ignore it. Off course he could. He received a lot of e-mails and didn't answer to all of them. He could just pick another one and pretend he didn't see that one. Right? Right? Dean felt his heart beat accelerate and he even started sweating.

_Relax Dean, you didn't even open the freaking mail. It's probably nothing._

Except that it was something. Castiel had told him he never sent an e-mail to Sarah. But today he did, right after his night with Dean. Dean rubbed one hand at the back of his neck while the other

one was still on his mouse. To click or not to click, that was the question.

Oh fuck it... Dean rolled his eyes, he couldn't believe how fucking dramatic he was about the whole situation, and he pressed read and waited.

_Dear Sarah, I've been reading your articles from afar and grew quite fond of your style but today, I'm here for some advices. It appears that we have a common friend and, I'm sure he already told you all about it, we spent a wonderful night together. Probably one of the best night’s of my life._

No Dean didn't blush because of this line. No... He was still feeling warm because of the coffee.

_Anyway, he took off in the morning, leaving only his number. And I'm a little bit rusty when it comes to dating. Should I call him back and let him know that I want to see him again? I want more than a one night thing, how am I supposed to make him understand that. I'm really lost._

_C. Novak._

Dean copied and pasted Castiel's mail almost at lighting speed, already eager to answer. Why? Because apparently Castiel and him were on the same page. All Castiel needed was a little push from Sarah.

**Dear C. Novak**

**I think that special common friend of yours is waiting for your call... So why the hell are you sending me a mail? I'm kidding of course (or not.) I'm not allowed to say this and he will probably kill me afterwards but he did spend a good night too. And believe it or not, you're not the only one having problems remember what dating REALLY means. Just call him, suggest a date, something simple and normal. A movie or a restaurant, anything as long as you two can be together and talk. All you have to do is remember that you are both nervous and everything will be just fine. I have a feeling I'll be hearing from you very soon Mr Novak.**

**Love, Sarah.**

Dean finished his answer with a smile on his face, not even feeling guilty. Cas would never know and they will have another perfect moment together... so what was wrong with that?

~~~

"So I'll take the supreme burger with extra cheese and extra bacon. And some fries too. Oh and deep fried chicken wings and for desert... I'll take a piece of apple pie, cherry pie and... a vanilla milkshake. Thank you."

Dean handed his menu to the waitress, smiling. That was when he noticed the look Sam had on his face. What? He was just a little bit hungry. He just shrugged and looked at his phone. Still nothing. Damn. It was Thursday, Castiel should have seen his answer by now and call him. How long did it take to get a newspaper in Chicago and read it? Not that long.

Dean put his phone on the table, hands shaking. His smile still in place because he knew that Cas would call and it would be perfect.

"Dean you okay?" He looked up to Sam and his smile grew bigger. Sam frowned, looking really worried.

"Of course I'm okay. I'm more than okay. I'm super fine and I'm having a great time with my awesome brother."

"Okay..." Sam leaned close over the table. "Who the fuck are you and what have you done with my brother?"

"What?" Dean rolled his eyes. "I'm not allowed to be in a good mood?"

"Yes you are. But it's kind of creepy. And why are you so... so... happy today?"

"I met a guy." Dean finally said, emphasizing the last word. "Oh." It was Sam's turn to roll his eyes, leaning back against his chair. "You had a good fuck last night."

"No! Why do you make me sound like a whore?" Sam was about to reply but Dean stopped him with his hand. "Don't even answer, it wasn't a real question. I met a guy last night. We didn't have sex, and guess what, it was still awesome."

"Wow... It sure was... You should see the look on your face." Sam was smiling too now.

"And does this mysterious guy have a name?"

"The name is Castiel and he's a literature teacher in college. Oh and I lied about the sex part, we did make out on his couch. And it was good too."

Sam clapped his hands, laughing. "Fucking knew it. So he's the one? You're seeing him again?"

"I don't know Sammy... I'm just going with the flow this time. No pressure or anything, don't want to screw things up."

"I'm glad to hear that... How you two meet anyway?"

Dean winced a little, his eyes going back to his phone. How was he supposed to explain that part to Sam without him getting angry or upset. Or worse, telling him what he didn't want to hear. And here's come trouble.

"Don't get mad okay?" asked Dean, his gaze going back to Sam.

Sam's smile disappeared and he folded his arms on his chest. "This can't be good. How did you two meet? Spill it." Dean sighed and whispered.

"At Sarah's party. He thinks I'm Sarah's personal assistant."

And then Dean waited for the consequences. However, Sam remained silent for a few moments. He finally moved looking for something in his bag and Dean watched with a look of horror on his face as Sammy put down to the table the pages of Sarah's article.

"Please. Tell me you're not talking about that mysterious C. Novak and you didn't use Sarah to get a first date." Sam threw him a murderous look, apparently very disappointed by Dean.

Dean opened his mouth and shut it. There was nothing more to add, Sam had said everything. He moaned, because life was freaking unfair on him, as the waitress was coming back with his burger, fries and chicken wings and off course Sam's salad. They didn't touch the food at first even if Dean’s stomach was curling in this time not in the most nicest way. And he knew it wasn't hunger either, it was guilt, especially when Sam was looking at him like this.

"Okay... I did it... Happy? But don't look at me like that is not that bad!"

"Not that bad? Lying to get what you want? How is that not that bad?"

"Oh come on! It's not lying... I didn't tell him the whole truth so what?"

"It's called lying Dean and you know that!"

"Well I..."

Dean shut his mouth because his phone was ringing. It was an unknown number. Probably Cas.

"You're not answering Dean?"

"Screw you Sam." were Dean's last word before he picked up his phone.

And Dean turned a little as he put the phone next to his ear, not wanting to face Sam during this moment.

"Hello?"

"Hello... Dean? It's Castiel." Dean couldn't help the smile that appeared on his face, he could hear Castiel's shyness in his voice. And god his voice, it seemed deeper than last night. "Yeah I kinda guess it was you... So what's up Cas?" Castiel chuckled before he answered

"I usually get upset when people call me like that."

"Oh really? Sorry I didn't..."

"But I don't mind if it's you." Castiel cleared his throat as Dean's smiled grew bigger. "So... hmmm... Do you have any plans for Friday night?"

"No I don't. Why you have something in mind?"

"I thought we could... You know... Go out and get to know each other and everything."

"Cas?"

"Hmmmm?"

"Are you asking me out... On a date? A real date?"

"Well... If you don't... I mean yes."

_Don't squeal, seriously Dean, don't squeal. Act cool. Like you didn't see this coming._

"Yeah sure. I'm totally in."

And next thing Dean knew, they had a date. A proper date. Cas was supposed to come pick him up and they would go to this new bar outside of town. Dean hung up, still smiling. And then he saw Sam face... Oh yeah... Lying again.

"I..."

"Dean save it, will you? I don't want to argue with you anymore about that. All I'm saying is... you can't have a relationship based on a lie. The more you wait and the more you're going to regret this. And trust me, I will be smiling the day I have to tell you ... I told you so."

Dean rolled his eyes. "All right Mr Smart."

"If I'm Mr Smart you're Mr Dumbass."

"Fine. Now can we eat?"

"Hell yeah, I'm super hungry."

"You won't be if you were actually eating."

Sam didn't reply and ate. Dean was kinda glad Sam was here to look after him. But he was doing things his way and screw the consequences.

~~~

Dean wasn't nervous. At all.

And, like he had said in his text to Sam, this wasn't a lie. He felt fine. Okay, his hands would get allsweaty and his stomach would twitch at the thought of Castiel, or Castiel's blue eyes... oh and his lips and hands too. But that was all. Dean would be great.

He was Mr Cool.

And Mr Cool had managed to fall three times in the bathroom, cut himself while shaving and ripped off even more one of his favorite jeans. Dean sighed on his bed, only wearing his underwear and looked up to his closet. Mr Cool my ass... Maybe he was nervous and maybe he was the one who needed Sarah's advices. What would Sarah tell him?

Well first of all to put on some clothes. Some nice and comfortable clothes. And then to quit moaning about nothing. They had already passed the "oh my gosh, are we going to kiss now or never?" tension because they had already kissed... Plus a lot of grinding against each other... So it was a bonus. (Yeah, definitely a plus in Dean's book).

Now the tricky part, have a real conversation... about... stuff. Yeah normal stuff like ... Dean scratched his nose trying to find out something. What the fuck are you even supposed to say to someone when you don't want to have sex with them at the end of the night? ...

... He had no clue. _Oh god Sam was right, I am a slut._

Dean sighed and started dressing up. He put the cleanest jeans he could find, meaning the one with the least holes in them (what? those jeans weren't that expensive plus they hid pretty well the bow of his legs, because yes, Dean hated his legs more than anything else) and his favorite Led Zeppelin shirt. Because it was a special occasion. It was the one with the name of the band in red letter and the lyrics of Stairway to Heaven all over it.

And as soon as Dean put the shirt on, his door rang. Oh yeah, he had given his address to Cas... Yeah true. No need to panic. He put on his boots at full speed and almost ran... okay totally ran to the door. And when he opened the door, he smiled.

What was real conversation again?

He was so going to shove Cas against the door and kiss him while running his hands through his dark hair and fuck the shit out of h...

"Hello Dean."

Dean had still one hand around the door handle and was still blocking the way. Mouth hanging open. But Castiel was so sexy and cute and looking so insanely professional at the same time. He was wearing a blue and white argyle sweater with some black jeans, and the whole outfit made his eyes seem more blue than usual.

And standing in Dean's doorway, he looked breathtaking.

"Dean, are you okay?"

Castiel was now frowning, apparently worried something was indeed wrong with Dean. Of course there was something wrong with Dean, he met Cas two days ago and he wanted to grab him by the shirt and stay trapped forever with him in his own apartment.

... To play scrabbles of course.

Dean chuckled at that and came back to reality, finally letting go of the door and pushing it further opened.

"Yeah... I'm fine. Sorry I was somewhere else..."

"But you're with me now, right?"

"Totally."

They were whispering again and Dean wondered if they were on the verge of kissing. But they were a little bit too far for that.

_Well... we won't be any more if I jump on him._

"So you're ready to go?"

"Completely ready, let me just grab my keys and I'm all yours."

"Good."

Dean swore he saw a satisfied grin on Cas’s face as he was walking back inside. But the moment he closed the door and put the keys in his back pocket, it was gone.

"You're not taking your jacket?" suddenly asked Castiel, looking at his arms.

"Hmm... I think you'll find a better way to warn me up if I'm cold."

Dean winked at him and Castiel only response was to turn his head, smiling and blushing at the same time. Dean bit his lower lip as they made their way to the elevator, it was going to be a very long, long night if he had to restrain himself to kiss Cas every time he wanted to.

"So..." Dean slightly turned his head, looking at Castiel. "Where are you taking me exactly? Never heard of this bar before. Which says a lot because I know almost every bar in this town..."

"My best friend Balthazar owns it. They just opened so that might explain why the great Dean Winchester never heard of it."

"Don't call me like that... "

_Because I'm not blushing right now._

_Yes you are, pointed out Sam's voice._

_Shut up!_

"Too late."

As he said that, the elevator doors finally opened and Castiel let him pass. Always so polite and such a gentleman. Maybe it was normal for Cas, but for Dean it was a huge turn on.

 _What does it say about me?_ Thought Dean as the door was closing, Castiel’s shoulder brushing against his _. Thank you Jesus for this small elevator... And Cas._

_Since when do you pray anyway?_

_Oh my gosh... Sam shut up. You won't leave me alone. Fuck you this is my night with Cas._

_I'm your conscience dumb ass, and you're talking to yourself... AND YOU NEED TO TELL CAS THE TRUTH._

_Shut up._

_TELL THE TRUTH._

_I said shut up._

_Boys seriously stop fighting._

_What? ... Sarah? Oh my gosh... This can't be good. There's not enough space in here._

_TELL THE TRUTH._

_You know he's right Dean, honesty is always the solution. Plus, if you tell him now, you guys will be able to move on and still have that date. That's what you want right? No he's a slut, he just wants Castiel nice long d..._

"Dean? Are you coming or what?"

Castiel was out of the elevator and obviously waiting for him. He was such a freak. First Sam, now Sarah. He just wanted to be Dean having a night out with this guy he met, Cas.

Was that too much to ask?

"Yeah of course..."

~~~

"Wow... this place is... this place is ... awesome Cas. Tell your friend he really did a good job." Honestly, there were no others words to describe the place.

From outside, it didn't even look like a bar or a club, just a single black door and one of those big guys in front of it. (Bigger than Sam... Which had left Dean with a mouth hanging open because he never thought it was possible.) Nothing more, nothing less. Dean had followed Cas with a weird look on his face, Castiel smiling all along. The guy nodded at them, because apparently he knew Cas and had let them in. And wow... Just wow...

The place wasn't that big and you had to push a lot of people to go to the toilet, or to get a drink the bar counter, but it was comfortable and intimate at the same time. The walls were red and the floor made of a thick black color, the stage was quite small and if you were sitting at the first tables, you could actually give a high five to the singer like it was the most natural thing in the world.

There were things written all over the walls and, like Cas had told him, people liked to do that here and it was even his friend, the owner, who gave them pencils in the first place. The bar was crowded and Dean’s smile grew bigger as Castiel grabbed his hand. Like he was going to get lost or something. Dean let Castiel lead them to the stage, a band was leaving and by the time they sat, a group of girls had taken their place. They looked like they were seventeen and Dean was sure they were still in high school, the perfect age to play music.

And Dean and Cas were at the perfect table to see everything, right in front and a little bit to the left. Dean’s shoulder was against a wall and he could feel Castiel's gaze on him. Castiel couldn't seem to look away and Dean wasn't even complaining about it. It was actually nice to have someone stare at you like that...

The group started playing and Dean applauded with the rest of the crowd before he turned to Cas.

"See anything you like?"

"That's a cheesy pick up line, even I know that."

Dean laughed, leaning closer to Cas, so he could hear him over the music. They ended up pressed against each other, but it was not like Dean was here for the music. He was here for Castiel.

Nothing but Castiel. And looking into those big blue eyes, they knew they were both on the same page.

"So... Cas... tell me about yourself."

"What do you want to know?"

"Hmmm... I don't know everything. Just talk I'll listen."

"Not fair. I want to get to know you too."

"Fine, I'll answer the questions too."

Dean rolled his eyes at Cas’s triumphant smile. He wasn't even that interesting. He then briefly noticed Castiel’s hands on the table, his fingers hitting the surface. He was nervous.

"I already know that you're a literature teacher... why?"

"And you're starting with the tricky question... Well I actually wanted to be a real writer but it turns out I'm not that great at creating plots and everything else that makes a writer good. I'm good at writing about other people work, so I figure why not? I got my degree and now I'm teaching. It's not really that exciting.."

"Shhh... I'm the one to judge. So you live all by yourself... any brothers or sisters?"

"Only brothers. Four actually... I'm the last of the family."

"Wow that's one big family!"

"Don't tell me about it! And my parents are somewhere in Vermont, playing bridge with their friends and calling my every week. And you?"

"My only family left is my little brother Sam. And my uncle Bobby, he's not really my uncle... But he's family so..."

Dean trailed off, clearing his throat and looked down at his shoes. Why was he even talking about this? Maybe it was something in Castiel's eyes. He looked up and Castiel smiled, covering Dean's hand with his underneath the table. Like he totally understood what was going inside Dean head.

"I'm sorry, this is new for me..." mumbled Dean. "I don't do this. My brother says it's because I'm a slut, and I think he's kinda right."

"You're not a... I think you have a low self esteem Dean that's all. And if it makes you feel better, it's new for me too. I was married for five years so... I don't really remember what dating felt like."

"Really? What happened?"

"She left."

Dean saw something else in Cas’s face, maybe sadness, but it was just for a second and he changed the subject. They talked about everything and anything as bands and anonymous singers followed one another on stage. Favorite movie, favorite book, what side of bed they slept on, almost every topic was touched and as the evening wore on, Dean was laughing more and more, relaxing.

Castiel was interesting, and funny and a very steady guy. Nothing like Dean who couldn't even make plans for the next day and was almost already late. It was like they completed each other. However Castiel fingers were still moving on the table, like he was still nervous.

"Hey you want to drink something?" Dean had cut Castiel in the middle of a sentence, suddenly realized that they were in a bar and they hadn't ordered any alcohol... yet. Maybe that'll loosen up Cas.

"Oh yeah... off course. I forgot to ask. What do you want?"

"A beer is fine with me."

"Okay don't move."

Dean watched as Castiel rose up and headed to the bar, making his way through the crowd. He took a deep breath and relaxed even more on his seat. It was a good first date. A perfect first dateactually. Well except for the whole "I'm totally fine now but Cas is still nervous" part. But it was totally understandable if he didn't date anyone after his divorce...

 _Wait? Am I the rebound guy?_ Dean frowned. _Fuck that, I don't want to be the rebound guy. I want to be the boyfriend... What wait again... Where the hell that come from?_ Dean didn't have time to answer that because Castiel was coming back with beers in hands and a little smile on his face.

"Oh let me help you with that..." said Dean as Cas was trying to sit down.

"No it's okay I can d..."

Except that, like Dean had expected it, Castiel did lose his balance as he sat down and while one of the beer ended up fine on the table, he spilled the other one... On Dean. On Dean's shirt more precisely. Dean looked down as a look of terror was crossing Castiel's face.

"Dean I'm so sorry, I didn't mean to..."

"You ruined my favorite shirt." slowly said the other, still looking at the wet shirt.

"It was your favorite shirt? I'm really sorry and... Dean why are you laughing?"

Yeah why was he laughing? Why? Maybe because Castiel looked adorable, he clearly was sorry, he was slightly blushing and biting his lower lip while talking. And frankly, right now, Dean didn't care about the shirt anymore or even the beer he just wanted to kiss Castiel. He leaned closer and grabbed his face between his hands. Castiel gasped a little, his own hands finding Dean's shoulders.

"Now tell me why you're so nervous, Cas."

"It's you. I just... it's hard to think when you near me..."

"Hmmm... why is that?"

Dean was really close now, when he spoke, his lips brushed against Castiel's. And as the latter opened his mouth to answer, Dean's swallowed his words with his tongue and kissed him. That kiss was long and tender and Castiel moaned in his mouth, relaxing underneath Dean’s touch. Castiel tasted like coffee and it made Dean shiver. He deepened the kiss, his hands moving to Castiel's hair because he just had to touch them... That was when Castiel growled and pull Dean's hips.

Without even knowing how or why, Dean ended up on Castiel laps, kissing him more urgently, his tongue rolling against Cas like nothing else mattered. And it was true. Nothing else mattered. Here he wasn't Sarah Wesson, he was just a guy. Screw the people around them, the person playing the guitar and Dean's wet shirt. Screw all of that.

And when Cas parted from him, Dean couldn't help the stupid smile on his face.

"Better?"

"Yes. But I think you should kiss me again... just to be sure."

"Just to be sure? Okay then, come here."

Castiel was blushing again when their lips met and Dean shivered on his lap feeling fingertips against his skin. And that was it. Nothing else mattered.


	3. Chapter 3

**Friday, September 16th**

**Hello everyone, how are you today? Judging by the amount of mails I received, you're not doing that fine. And... oh surprise! The recurrent problem is : relationships. How do you make him/her understand this or that? How am I supposed to be a good girlfriend/boyfriend? Are they any rules? My answer is usually be yourself and see what happens. Of course there are no rules, so please, don't waste your money in stupid books like " 50 rules of dating" or "how to be a perfect lover in 20 lessons." We all are different and we never know how the other person is going to react. And guess what my dear readers?**

**That's the most interesting part in a relationship...**

"Oh come on Cas! Just throw the ball at me... It's not that difficult!"

"Why am I doing this again?"

"Oh shut up and throw the damn ball..."

"You didn't say the magic words."

"Just throw the god damn ball at me, please"

Castiel’s expression was priceless and Dean couldn't help but laugh. It was all Castiel's fault anyway. He had been the one telling Dean that he didn't know how to play baseball and that, in fact, he had never tried. And of course, there was no way Dean Winchester was dating someone who didn't know that. Just no way.

So Dean had promised he'll help, and when it came to Cas, Dean was willing to do anything. Absolutely anything.

That was why they were in the park, in the middle of the afternoon, a few feet apart. Dean was wearing a white shirt that he intend to get dirty and another one of his low jeans, oh and he was barefoot too.

Just another casual afternoon.

Not to forget the fact that he was holding a baseball bat, which was made of shiny black, a gift from Sam.

Now all Castiel needed to do was to throw the ball at him. Castiel was however a bit skeptical... Oh and cute. But Castiel was always cute, he had one hand on his hips, and was biting his lower lip, really not sure about what he was supposed to do. Dean jumped a little at his place and Castiel smiled was back. Big, bright, opened and honest, making his eyes glisten into the sunlight. Dean was already addicted to that smile. Oh and to Castiel too. But it wasn't too hard to figure that out.

"You look like a five years old, Dean!"

Dean’s response was to stick his tongue out at him and Castiel burst into laughter, his shoulders shaking in the process.

"Very mature Mr Winchester."

"Don't Mr Winchester me, it makes me look old."

"You are old!"

"But still hot!"

Castiel was about to reply something but he closed his mouth and shrugged. Apparently he couldn't argue with Dean on that point. Dean saw him sighed before he raised his other hand, apparently ready to throw the ball. "Finally! And remember just run to catch it okay?"

Castiel rolled his eyes and Dean admitted that it was going to be fun. Cas was still dressed in full teacher mode, his dark blue tie in place, he had rolled the sleeves of his white shirt and he lost his shoes to Dean's command. But his socks were still on. Cute.

And Dean lifted his gaze at the good time, because Castiel ‘s hand had moved. And the ball was coming to Dean at full speed.

Come on darling... Just a little bit closer...

"Run!" screamed Dean before he did it himself.

Of course Dean didn't miss it, he was still Dean Winchester and he knew how to swing a bat well. He saw Castiel run to the ball and he was actually going to be there before Dean. Hell no... Dean accelerated and passed in front of Cas with a smile on his face, he extended his arms to catch the ball and... ouch.

He hit the ground because Castiel had tackled him. He gasped for air, turning around and he laughed at the same time, feeling Castiel above him, laughing too.

"That's not how you play... dick. You're ... supposed to... catch the ball..." Dean managed to say as Castiel was climbing on him, legs at either side of Dean's hips, sitting on him. Dean moaned slightly, because feeling Castiel this close was always good and let Castiel draw him by the shoulders so he was sitting too.

"Catching you is way more fun." casually answered Cas, wrapping his arms around Dean's neck.

"I bet it is." whispered Dean, his own arms going on Castiel's waist.

"Plus I don't really think I like baseball." continued Castiel, leaning closer to Dean’sface.

"You didn't even try." replied Dean, waiting for Castiel's next move.

"So what? I much prefer doing that..."

And then Castiel was biting his lower lip. Hard. But Dean didn't mind, and they both knew it. He even moaned, giving a better access to Cas, as the latter was licking the mark he just made. Dean grabbed his hair and just like that, they were kissing. Tangled in the grass, on this sunny afternoon, in front of everyone. And frankly, Dean was too busy kissing Cas back to care.

He felt Castiel smile into the kiss and he licked the wrinkles at the corner of his mouth, loving every part of Castiel's face. And when they parted, Castiel was still smiling, forehead pressed against Dean's, eyes closed.

"Hmm... making out with you was so not part of my day." he confessed, whispering.

"What? I'm shocked! You should always think of making out with me."

Castiel opened his eyes, a slight blush on his face and Dean could see everything. How could he be blushing right now?

"I'm not always thinking about you like this..."

"Liar."

"You're pretty confident about yourself aren't you?"

"Hmmm..." Dean made a small pout before he answered. "Yes. I think I'm adorable."

"Luckily for you, you are." Castiel said brushing his lips against Dean's.

"Oh am I?"

Cas silenced him with a kiss and that was all Dean needed.

**Thursday, September 29th**

**Hey guys do you remember my special diet? You know... Doing one unexpected thing per day? How is it going for you? Seriously, I want to read your own experiences. Don't worry I won't publish them but I already know that some of you won't do it because they're afraid. Afraid of what exactly? Looking ridiculous and awkward? ... Screw the awkwardness. Wait... Is awkwardness a real english word? (I'm going to publish this so you could all laugh at my lack of english skills). Embrace your awkwardness and life will be easier.**

**I'm a freak ... who's with me?**

Dean looked at the place, on his seat, biting his lower lip, not knowing what to say.

Castiel had done it again, amazed him by the location of their date. Cas called him later to ask him if he had any plan for dinner. And frankly, the only plan Dean had for tonight was involving a bucket of extra crispy, his XBOX and his fake plastic guitar. In other words, not really glamorous.

But there was Cas, the amazing and still so shy Cas, and the reason why Dean was sitting on his beautiful restaurant a clear view to the bay. They were in one of his restaurants in the Chicago Port, one of those establishments along the coast and yes, the ones who were always complete. But apparently nothing was impossible for Castiel Novak.

They had a table far from everyone else, the night was falling down to the big town and Dean couldn't help but stare at the water, reflecting the last lights of the city and the few boats there.

He turned to Cas, still biting his lower lip. Dean didn't know what to say, between the incredible view of the Lake Michigan, the soft lighting making the blue of Cas' eyes unbelievable and the fact that their feet were touching underneath the table... Dean was speechless. No doubt, this was a _real_ date and there was something serious between him and Cas. And for Dean it was new. And scary. Really scary.

"Please say something." finally whispered Cas, his eyes still on Dean.

"I just..." Dean closed his mouth before he chuckled.

_Seriously breathe, in and out. You can do this. This is Cas, the guy you text every day, the guy who doesn't know how to play baseball and the guy who spilled beer on you on the first date. Now speak dumbass or you're gonna scare the poor man._

"I just don't what to say." finally blurted Dean. "It's like... It's like you know all these amazing places in Chicago and you're showing them to me... Like I'm special or some shit like that."

He couldn't meet Castiel's gaze when he finished his sentence, looking at his feet was far more interesting. Gosh he sucked with words... No, correction, he sucked with talking. He knew words, he was writing for a living. But writing and talking were two different things. Behind his laptop, Dean could think of the perfect sentence, the good word. Not with Cas. With some people he was cocky, confident and sarcastic, but not with Cas.

Castiel grabbed the hand he had laid on the table and squeezed it.

"You are special."

"Shut up or I'm gonna blush... Or I'm gonna punch you."

Castiel smiled, apparently not terrified by the idea of Dean punching him. "You really are not good at accepting compliments, you know that?"

"Can we order now? This is getting awkward."

Castiel laughed but didn't comment when Dean hid behind his menu. But Dean wasn't thinking about food. Yes, for once he wasn't. He was studying Cas, the latter pretty focused on what he was about to eat.

_What are you seeing in me you sexy teacher? You should run. I'm not good for you._

Castiel raised his head, looking back at Dean.

"So have you chosen yet?"

"Hmmm? I'll take the same thing as you."

And of course, the night was good. Dean eventually stopped stressing over nothing and he listened as Castiel talked about his students, the worst and the best, always with that light in his eyes.

Castiel was always passionate about his work. He didn't like students coming late, he was sleeping on the right side of his bed and just like Dean, he liked black coffee. His favorite authors were Oscar Wilde and Anne Rice, when he was little, during thunderstorms, he would go to sleep in one of his big brothers beds. He lived in Chicago for four years now and he loved every part of the city, he didn't like driving and preferred to use public transportation, especially the bus because it gave him time to read Sarah's chronicle.

And Dean wanted to know more. He sighed, resting his head on his hand, listening to Cas talking.

He could do that all night.

**Wednesday October 5th**

**I think October is my favorite month. Why? Everybody is stressed during September because it's the end of the summer and you have to stop being lazy. (Wait what? Being lazy is always the solution... kidding). October on the other hand is perfect, it's starting to get cold, you still have time to think about your Christmas presents, and you can just relax. Do you get my point? Probably not. But I'm in a good mood so please be in a good mood with me.**

**I'm going to answer some mails now, so I can cheer everyone up.**

"Stop making that face... You say I could pick any movie I want."

"I'm not making any face Dean ... You're seeing things."

"Oh really... So you have nothing to say about the movie I chose?"

"No Dean... Let's watch Iron Man 2."

Dean could feel the sarcasm in Castiel's voice and he rolled his eyes at him. Okay, Castiel was hot sat on his couch. Correction, Castiel looked hot sitting anywhere.

But it was the most casual Dean had ever seen him, he was of course wearing one of his sweaters, this one was blue and on Cas' chest was drawn a huge pair of black glasses, the pair apparently talking and admitting proudly "Yep, I'm a Nerd." He had a jean the same blue as his sweater and Dean had convinced him to take off his shoes and socks this time.

In other words, Casual Cas was hot. Probably hotter than Teacher Cas or Talking Cas.

"The movie is not even that long." mumbled Dean turning on his DVD player. "And besides what you're thinking it's a good movie." Dean turned and stood up just in time to see Castiel raised his eyebrows. "You know it's actually one of my favorites." declared Dean, sitting next to Cas.

Or more to say, really close to Cas. So close that Castiel automatically took his legs to put them on his lap, his hands resting on Dean knees. Dean didn't mind at all. The first time Castiel had done that in his own apartment, Dean's face had been a mix of : "what the hell?", "dude, could you be more gay?" and finally "in case you didn't notice, I don't have boobs." (Yep, all that in the same time, and yep, it was humanly possible).

Now Dean was used to it, it was actually cute. He moved his gaze from Castiel's hands, hell he was such a freak he could fantasize just by watching the other's fingers, to Castiel face. Cas was smiling.

"Dean, I didn't say a thing, just press play and let's get over with it."

"You're going to enjoy this movie Cas... I swear."

"Don't think so."

"Oh come." Dean lifted his hands before he started counting with his fingers." Robert Downey Jr, cool super hero, Robert Downey Jr, bad ass fights, Robert Downey Jr, amazing cars, Robert Downey Jr and AC/DC... what else do you need?"

"Hmmm... I think you forgot Robert Downey Jr." answered Cas laughing. "Dean you should have told me you're a fangirl..."

"I'm not...." Castiel laughed even more and Dean patted his shoulder. "I'm not a fangirl, okay? It's not my fault if he's hot."

"Yeah sure... Do you want me to leave you two alone? I could go to your room and... no I will probably see your giant poster of him. It's okay to have a crush on an older guy, we all went through this Dean..."

Dean didn't reply, letting Castiel have his fun and he finally pressed play. Castiel eventually shut up as the movie started but, even with his eyes glued on the TV, Dean could still see his shoulders shaking. That dick. That cute and sexy dick by the way. But it was totally unfair for him to laugh at Dean.

It was actually the first time Castiel step a foot inside his flat, Dean always being careful with saying goodbye to Cas in the front door or to arrange their meeting at Castiel's own place or somewhere else. And now that he was thinking about it, it had been a long time since someone, besides Sam, had come to his apartment. Someone he was interested in of course, Dean still had friends and everything...

No, the first rule of screwing around had always been: don't bring the guy to your place, never bring the guy to your place. Here Dean was safe, he was himself and he didn't want any cheap date to see that. However it was totally different with Cas, Castiel was starting to know him well... Very well. And okay, they had acted like bunnies at first but kissing someone you actually knew was so much better.

_But Cas doesn't really know you... right Dean?_

Dean shut his mind to Sam's voice and focused on the movie. Not now... He would tell Cas the truth later... Much later. They were not about to get married no, they were in this relationship for only one month, no need to rush about it. And Dean didn't realize he was over thinking so much about this that he had started breathing harder. He felt Castiel’s hand on his shoulder and he tensed even more.

"Hey you're okay? You know I was just kidding right?"

Dean tried to answer, but now his mouth was dry. Great fucking great! He nodded and went back to the TV, but Castiel didn't believe him apparently, because he pulled Dean’s legs and made him slide on the couch in one slow move, and before Dean knew it, he was straddling Castiel's hips, the same hands he was watching five minutes ago on his hips. Oh... Interesting.

"It's nothing."

Dean could see Castiel wasn't buying it. Cliché or not, now he knew how to read his eyes better than anything else. They were deep blue now and he had some wrinkles on his face, in this case, Castiel was worried. And when he opened his mouth to ask the question, Dean's lips were on his in an instant.

Dean didn't want to talk, not right now, not about his. And his kiss left no room for imagination, his mouth frantic and urgent on Cas'. Cas tried to pull away, using the grip he had on Dean's hips, but he had it all wrong, and in the end, Dean had both hands on his hair, still kissing him passionately, grinding against him. Castiel moaned and his hands were not longer trying to break to contact, quite the contrary in fact.

And they eventually parted, staying close. Enough to see and feel Castiel’s chest rise against him and see how his eyes had changed again... How the fuck was he doing that? How was he... oh... _is that Castiel's hands on my ass?_ Dean turned his head, yes definitely Cas' hands on his ass, and then he looked back at Cas and he grinned. His grin grew bigger when he noticed the way Castiel was staring at him.

Dean licked his own lower lip seductively and Castiel gasped. A tinny sound that Dean heard and it went down south. Dean bit his lip and slowly, very slowly, he rolled his hips against Cas, their jeans brushing in the most nicest way. Castiel was literary devouring him with his eyes, they seemed black now and they travelled all along Dean, only to stop on where his hands were resting: his hips.

So... screw the movie and Robert Downey Jr too, they had found a better activity.

And you could say next that Dean jumped on Cas, but technically Dean was already on Cas, so it didn't count as jumping and... Anyway, they were kissing like horny teenagers, groans and moans coming from the both of them, Dean's hands still in Castiel's hair and the other hands, helping him going up and down and... fuck...

Dean needed to see some skin, he needed to see Castiel and hear more of those groans. He pushed Castiel back on the couch and started taking his sweater off. Castiel helped him by lifting his hands up and Dean had a deep sigh when the shirt was finally on the floor... Well hello perfection. Half naked, panting and groaning Cas on his couch... A whole new level of hotness.

Castiel's skin was so white and he didn't have big and defined muscles but strong and firms ones, Dean could see some of his bones underneath and... fuck... He licked his collarbone before he went down. And Castiel even tasted good too. Dean raised his gaze as he went lower, judging Castiel's reaction. And Castiel was trying to hold still and to look back, but he gave up when Dean took his nipple in his mouth.

He let escape a long and strong moan, pushing his head back on the couch, his chest shivering from the sound. Oh god... Dean wanted him to that again and again. He could have come just by hearing those sounds. But he had other plans. He went lower and had to stop for a moment so he could kneel in front of Cas. He spread his legs opened and Castiel did a weird sound, halfway to a "Dean stop" and "yes." Dean had a devious look on his face, silently asking "what's the matter."

"You don't have to..." Castiel's voice was so low... He was breaking in front of Dean, his self control slowly fading away.

Dean's only answer was to bury his nose in Castiel's crotch and moan. Castiel stopped moving, apparently waiting for his next move. Dean raised his eyes and rubbed his cheek against the bump of Castiel's pant and the other did that deep moan again. Yes, thought Dean, yes. He played with Cas a little bit more and minutes later, his shaky fingers were on his zipper.

Cock. Mouth. Now. Dean wanted this, so badly, his mouth was actually watering and every possible train of thought stopped when he was finally facing Castiel‘s length. No foreplay, he kissed the tip and Castiel nearly jumped, hands on Dean's hair. Dean moaned, totally delighted by Castie'sl taste, and kept running his tongue all over the skin.

Castiel tasted marvelous and he wanted all. He forgot everything else and closed his eyes, taking Castiel between his lips inch by inch. Castiel was twitching and stirring above him making everything perfect. And when Dean got all of him in his mouth, he dared looked up... Beautiful. Castiel was beautiful. His neck was exposed to the light and his skin... Dean could see the bite marks he had just made seconds ago.

He released Castiel's cock with a pleased smile before he took it again and again. He got a rhythm of biting and sucking just to drive Castiel crazy and he watched fascinated as that latter grabbed the arm of the couch and bite his lower lip to hold on. Hell no... Dean's hands got tangled in the mix of his mouth, his saliva, Castiel's taste and Castiel's strong and hard muscle.

"Oh Dean... don't... Dean..."

Dean moaned finally feeling Castiel's hips follow the rhythm too. Yes. No talking. Just like this. Him and Castiel. His name, Castiel's taste, it was amazing.

Castiel's release took them both by surprise as he came, mouth opened into a silent scream, the last syllabus of Dean's name still on his lips. And, usually Dean didn't do it, but he swallowed everything and pulled back, not at all disgusted. He was still smiling in fact, and he wiped his mouth, still so hard on his own jeans and finally said.

"So to answer to your question... I'm fine."

Castiel opened his eyes, they looked clear blue again and he was on the floor on an instant, kissing Dean. To that, Dean was surprised. It was slow, just like their first kiss, without any burn passion or lust, just Cas. Here.

Dean's heart bit faster at that and he felt stupid. Stupid Cas and his stupid kisses. ( _If I ever woke up with female parts it'll totally be his fault)_. But he smiled back at Castiel when he pulled away.

"So who's better... Me or Robert Downey Jr?"

"Hmmm... I'd said Batman."

"Guess we'll have to watch Batman together then." casually declared Castiel, wrapping his arms around Dean.

"Watch watch or watch?"

"... There's a difference?"

"Hmm... Naaa... Not really."

**Friday October 14th**

**Is it good to have goals? I mean I always see people planning everything, how they gonna be married at the age of forty, with the perfect house, the perfect wife and the perfect kids. And of course, when everything don't go out as "the plan" they blame everything and everyone. But come on. Be realistic one second... Just for a second will you? If you're aiming high, when you're gonna fall... It's going hurt. And hard. I'm not saying you're not allowed to dream (gosh this is starting to sound like a Taylor Swift song), but please at least be realistic.**

**Be cautious. Life is not a movie. Life is not a country song. Prince Charming doesn't exist, and if he exist, trust me he doesn't have a huge bank account. It's the same for that perfect job where everybody is going to respect you. No, not everybody will. Some people will hate you, and for no reason. This is starting to get long. All I'm saying is : if you want something. Fight for it. Now I sound like a cheesy commercial... You're allowed to kill me or send me hate mails... I'm just kidding. (Or not)**

"Dean!" Hell no. Not right now.

Dean held his leather jacket tighter in his hand but he didn't turn. Instead, he pressed quickly the button of the elevator, his right foot hitting the floor quickly.

_Oh come on... Come on. Please. I don't want to talk to Zachariah. I can't. I'm supposed to meet Castiel in fifteen minutes. Not now._

The elevator door finally opened and Dean rushed between them, a smile on his face, so sure he gained his freedom. But of course, that was before Zachariah sneaked one arms between the two doors, pushing them opened.

... _Really? It's Friday for Christ's sake! Can't I have a fucking break?_

No, when your name is Dean Winchester, Fate, Chuck Norris or something higher is against you and you get trapped in an elevator, alone, with your boss. The said boss who told you weeks earlier that you had a pretty face.

_What was that smell in the air? Yep. Awkward, totally awkward._

"Dean! Just the person I wanted to see."

"You found me... what do you want?"

Zachariah was the one signing his check every month ... and? It didn't mean Dean had to be nice with him. Zachariah's smile was only troubles for Dean. But... Now that you think about it, if it weren't for him, Dean would have never met Cas. Hmmm... maybe he should be more grateful.

"We need to talk about you saying the truth Dean, it's a matter of time now."

_Grate-what?_ No freaking way. Dean rolled his eyes, looking up to the numbers going down, came back to Zachariah and answered.

"No. I went to the party. I'm still working for you, so no."

"Oh about you working for me..." Zachariah moved and came next to him, leaning against the wall. "I had some good calls this week and a good resource from the financial floor. We made more sale those pasts weeks and all because of you. And one of my friend, working for the New York Times, would love to meet you..."

"From the ... what?" Dean turned to him, suspicious. "You're lying. You told me that last time and I didn't see a thing."

"Oh simple details Dean! But my special friend is coming in town in three weeks... And we both agree that it'll be best if everybody knew your little secret by that time."

The doors chose this exact moment to open and Zachariah blocked him, facing him. "Three weeks Dean. That's all you got left. I don't care how you tell the truth but you have to."

Dean wished he had something funny or perky to say, but he didn't. His leather jacket almost fell on the floor and he didn't move as Zachariah left, his last words sinking in. Well...there still was that one thing left to say. ...

"Son of a bitch!"

**Saturday October 22th**

**My favorite day of all is coming soon... I'm talking about Halloween off course! Did you think of your costume yet? Are you going for the traditional scary thing, or an hommage to one of your favorite movie/book/TV-show? Please, send me some pictures of you, I really want to laugh. And since we're on a subject... Let's talk about fear. We're all afraid of something right? No let me rephrase that, our whole existence is based on only one fear: the fear of being alone. So that's why, I'm making a huge step, and considering Halloween like the new February 14th. Do me a favor and stop being scared of getting rejected, we're all afraid and we all have the same worries. Some people are just better at hiding it.**

**Have a good week end... And drive safely!**

"You know... You've been acting kind of strange lately."

_Strange? What do you mean strange? Like I'm about to lose you, and probably my job, the last piece of reputation I had left... Oh and you... No I'm totally and completely fine._

But off course, Dean didn't say all of this, he just shrugged and finished his drink then Castiel's. They were at his friends pub, Balthazar’s establishment, both leaned on the bar. Dean was avoiding Castiel gaze, and it was a really hard thing to do. Because one, all he wanted to do was to look back at him, kiss him and just tell him everything and hope it'll end up fine in some of way.

Second, it was quite hard to do because they were close, just like the first time they came here, the bar was really crowded. Dean thought it would have been a good idea to go out, forgot about all of his trouble just for one night, so he could collect some strength and be a man about it. But all he had managed to do was four shots of vodka, one of tequila oh and... finished Castiel's entire beer.

"Define strange."

Dean shrugged and turned, back pressed against the counter, his elbow resting on it. One last free night... No way he was spending it crying on Castiel's shoulder. No. The alcohol was slightly beginning to make its effect, and Dean felt good. His heart was pounding faster than usual and his skin felt hot. He needed to move now.

Oh and possibly eat something else than peanuts, but he would use Sammy's puppy eyes later against Cas so they could stop on the way to his home to grab a burger.

"Dance with me." Dean’s eyes had dropped on the stage where an amateur band was doing a reprise of one of his favorite Kings of Leon songs. Some people were dancing and Dean was in the mood for that.

"What?"

Dean finally turned to Cas, seeing his shy version again. "I said... Dance with me."

"I don't know how to dance." mumbling Castiel turning his head now.

"What was that?" Dean had heard him, of course he had, but he decided to mock him anyway. And from the corner of his eyes, Dean saw Castiel roll his eyes, bit his lip and finally declare with a smile.

"Yep. I don't know how to dance and you have a crush on Robert Downey Jr."

"Except that... I'm totally over him now."

"Really?"

"Oh yeah... Thanks to that hot and amazing teacher."

"Does this mean... It wasn't a question right?"

"And you're supposed to be the smart one? Of course it wasn't a question!"

With that, Dean was grabbing Castiel hand's and leading him to the little space left in front of the stage to dance. The music was too loud, the people too close and the singer sometimes got the lyrics of the song wrong, but it didn't matter.

No, he didn't because Castiel was laughing as Dean was dancing in front of him. Or pretending to dance. Or swaying his hips, oblivious to the world, his famous cocky smile on his face, looking at Cas.

"This is not dancing." Castiel whispered inside of Dean's ear.

"Oh yeah... Then show me Mr Smart."

Castiel shrugged before he did the robot. Or he tried. He moved his arms and his head up side down, trying to look lost and lifeless. However, it was not the case, he looked just adorable in his black cardigan, his arms moving without any notion of rhythm. But the smile was here, he knew this was important to Dean and that right now, Dean was fine.

More than fine actually, he was laughing for the first time time since Zachariah had literally dropped a bomb on him. He grabbed Castiel's face in one of his hands, his fingers running through the skin, and he kissed him. Their teeth met at first and it took them a few seconds to get everything right, but then they were kissing, in the middle of everyone, the song slowly ending.

Dean didn't pay attention to the people pushing him or the few whistles some of them gave for him and Cas. He only broke apart when the music changedééé, the loud band letting place to a solo and acoustic guitar. Dean turned and pressed himself against Cas, his back meeting the other chest before he grabbed Castiel hands and put them on his hips.

Still with that smile, his other hand went around Castiel's neck, his hips moving, making them sway to the new rhythm.

"See? You're dancing." Dean closed his eyes, pressing against Castiel even more. His head was spinning and his heart still had that impossible pace.

Maybe it wasn't the alcohol after all.

"It's because you're a good teacher." Castiel placed a gentle kiss at the top of his head, his fingers going under Dean's shirt, and slowly stroking the skin. Dean gasped at the contact but remained silent.

Maybe it was just Cas.

~~~

"So... you're going to take the double burger as usual?"

"Hmm... Na.... I'm not really hungry... I'm just going to take a beer."

Sam put down his menu and looked at Dean like he was crazy. Dean shrugged before he rested back on his seat. They weren't at their usual restaurants, this one special, it was an actual burger restaurant from the 50s with the red leather couch to sit on, the jukebox and the pink milkshakes served in the middle of the day with their giants straw.

Dean hummed slightly with the jukebox, it was off course an Elvis song and he totally ignored Sam's glance. He knew exactly how Sam was looking at him, he knew precisely what was going to happen next and yes, he didn't want to face it. But apparently, Sam was not giving up that easily.

He smiled, full and honest, trying to lighten up the mood. It almost worked as Dean's smiled back. Stupid little brother, seriously, stop smiling like that, it's contagious.

Sam kicked his foot underneath the table, just like he could hear his thoughts, and broke the silence.

"All right... So I take it that everything is fine with Cas?"

"Yes... Something like that."

"Come on, be more specific... I want details."

"Every details?"

Sam thought about a minute, considering the fact that Dean would tell him how Castiel liked to be kissed and what could make him moan (because yes, his big brother was creepy like that), he hit Dean again and chuckled.

"Okay you kinky brother, not all the details... But you know... stuff... I barely saw you this month..."

"Wait what?" Dean stood up a little in his seat and frowned. "So not true... We're still having lunch every day, what do you mean you're not seeing me? I'm right in front of you, man."

"You know exactly what I mean okay... "

"No I don't. Nothing changed between us."

"Oh really... So I can meet Castiel, then?"

Dean opened his mouth and shut it. Touché.

Sammy had a point, a solid and valid point. Dean had unconsciously, okay maybe a little consciously, kept Sam away from Cas. But he had to be sure, okay? Dean was not the kind of brother introducing every conquests to his family, his family being Sam. And Castiel wasn't a random fuck or his fuck buddy and...

Dean looked at his brother as that latter was calling the waitress and grimaced... Now he was feeling guilty. Guilty because he was lying to Cas and guilty because he was hurting Sam without even realizing it.

_Dean man up and do something._

He waited until the waitress disappeared to say something. Anything. He cleared his throat and looking into Sam's hazel eyes, he spoke.

"I'm sorry okay? I didn't mean to keep it a secret... I never keep anything from you and you know that it's just... "

"That you needed time?" finished Sam.

"Exactly."

"I take it that you didn't tell him about your little secret..."

"No I didn't... And that'll be cool if you didn't tell him either, I'm going to do things my way. And no judgmental speech about how much I suck, okay? I know that."

"Hey I'm not..."

Sam moved, Dean suddenly wondering where the hell gigantor was going and he sat next to Dean, brushing his shoulder against his. Still smiling. How can Dean be mad at him? Off course, his inner voice was Sam. He was trying to be a rock for Sam, sometimes it was hard and sometimes he was making huge mistakes.

"I'm not only here to tell you what you don't want to hear Dean. I'm here whenever you need me, okay? If you want me to kick your ass, I will. If you want me to shut up and listen, I will. But you've got to ask and not being afraid to."

And off course Sam was right... Dean had been so focused on giving advices to everyone else that he had forgot how to cheer himself up. He wrapped one arm around Sam's massive shoulders, pressing his forehead against his hardly, smiling.

"Ouch... You dick, that kind of hurt."

"Shut up you gigantic freak, you're the tall one, remember, I thought you could take anything?"

"I have delicate features." confessed Sam, chuckling.

"Delicate features my ass... You're not a freaking doll."

"If that was your way of saying thank you... Then you're welcome."

"Yes you dumb idiot, it was my way of saying thank you."

"Well next time, no need to crush me..."

"Oh gosh... Sam shut up."

The waitress came back with their order and they parted, because it was not awkward at all to hug your twenty eight little brother in a middle of a crowded restaurant. Not at all. The waitress didn't comment but she had a big smile on her face. Dean frowned while Sam was attaching his giant salad.

_Why do people keep assuming we're gay? I am gay, Sam is as straight as you could be._

He took one sip at his beer, Sam cutting his tomato and pushing it on one side of his plate, before he took his napkin and put it on his knees.

_Yep, completely and totally straight._

"So when do I get to meet Cas?" Sam asked, chewing happily his tomatoes.

"Well ... I don't know... You could come over at the house, we're watching movies tonight."

"And see you two eye fuck each other? Hell no. I admitted that seeing you naked was horrible, and let's keep it that way, there are things I don't need to see."

"You're so sensitive Sam, do you want me to brush your hair?"

"Bitch you think you can just ran your hand through my beautiful and luscious hair?"

They exchanged a glance and they laughed again, not really in the most discreet way. They totally ignored the few customers looking at them like they were crazy.

"Is Cas free for Halloween?"

"I guess... Why you're asking?"

"Then costumed party at your place and yes, it's not a question, yes we're going to have some fun and no you can't pick some food on my plate, and yes you should really order something."

Sam finished his sentence with a satisfying grin on his face, still eating. Dean shook his head.

Jerk.

~~~

"So Dean... where is mysterious guy?"

From across the kitchen, Dean threw a murderous look at Sam and he totally ignored Jo’s question, looking for some beer in the fridge. It turned out that the big party at his house was nothing more but a couple of people, with their costumes, eating candies, drinking and watching movies.

Dean was totally fine with it, he didn't want a big crowded party on the night his brother was meeting his boyfriend. And no, he wasn't totally nervous about that. He was fine. And no, he didn't mind at all that Sam had told every-fucking-one about this, like it was the most natural thing in the world.

Tonight, he was wearing his full Batman costume and he was too bad ass to care. Yes, Dean was hot, even in black tights, his great shirt with the famous yellow and black bat icon and off course, his mask. He was Batman and there was no arguing on it.

Sam left the kitchen, smiling. Sam was dressed as Hulk, which totally fit him. He was half naked, ripped purple pants on his hips, his chest and face painted green, his hair messier than usual. Ruby’s idea. Ruby was here, dressed as Catwoman, drinking beer with Ash, in a Thor costume, on the couch.

She had arrived right after Sam, whip in hands, and she had managed to scare Dean and put him back in his place by reminding him that Batman was Catwoman’s little bitch. Dean had turned to Sam, both of his thumbs up. Ruby was going to be good for his brother.

Dean’s hands finally found the beers and he turned to Jo, trying not to laugh because she was in a Wonder woman costume. It was the most feminine he had ever seen her and despite what she was thinking, it fit her.

"I can't believe Sam told you..." mumbled Dean, putting some of the beers in Jo's hands.

"Oh off course he told me Dean! That kid is scared of me." replied the blond, shrugging.

"Who wouldn't?" said Dean, knowing fully that the smile on Jo’s face was just a facade. If Jo Harvelle wanted to kick your ass, she would kick your ass no matter how hard you protested.

"I'm Wonder woman remember? Besides, Sam and I got to make sure this guy is treating you well."

"I'm not... " Dean rolled his eyes as they made their way to the living room. "I can take care of myself Jo, thank you."

"Whether you like it or not, I'm still here Winchester."

Dean was about to say thanks but Ash jumped on him grabbing a beer and he turned his head to propose one to Ruby and Sam... But they were too busy making out on his couch.

In other words, Catwoman and Hulk were making out on his couch...

_I'm burning this couch. Tomorrow. What do I mean tomorrow? Right after they leave. Burn everything._

"Hey you two." Dean sneaked a beer between them, pressing the cold bottle against Sam’s face."Behave will you?"

"Oh come on, I'll let you be dirty with Cas when he gets here."

"My house my rules, Sammy, okay?"

"Not fair."replied his brother, nuzzling his head into Ruby's neck.

"It's okay Sam." She ran his hands in Sam's hair and turned to Dean. "It's okay, I'll use my whip later and make Dean beg for forgiveness."

_... Sam your lady is scary._

But Dean was going to be cool about it and reply how much he would love to see that, but someone rang at the front door. Which could mean one thing : it was Castiel.

_Oh god... Do not hyperventilate... You're cool. You're Batman remember? Hell yeah, that's right, I'm Batman._

And Sam was right behind him as he made his way to the door, that special smile on his green face. He made his tongue snap, noticing how nervous Dean was. Sammy would notice, off course he would notice, and obviously he was going to mock him about it. Dean had been kind of been a douche when he had introduced him to Jessica. Kind of... Just making random perky and cocky jokes, being himself ... But come on, it was years ago, it couldn't be payback time, right now?

Apparently it was... Dean pulled his mask off, lifting it on his forehead, took a deep breath, Sam right behind him and opened the door.

... To face... Spider-man? The fuck?

Dean frowned and Spiderman took off his mask too and Dean laughed, seeing Balthazar. Off course he would have been the one with the Spider man outfit. _Bal... I dare you to be more gay_. Seriously, Dean had talked only a few times to the guy and he already knew that he liked : books, wine and men. A good friend in Dean's words, but it was hard to see how can Cas and he could be best friends.

Just another unsolved question Dean would add to his list, next to : do alligators alligate? He chuckled at his own joke and he snapped back to reality, he realized Balthazar was hugging him crushing his body against his... Oh awkward.

"Man seriously... I'm happy to see you but don't rub your gay all over me."

"Dean... Why do you see evil everywhere? It's just a friendly hug."

"There's no friendly hug with you, and step away from my boyfriend please."

They both turned to the third person, Dean smiling seeing Cas. He didn't even noticed Balthazar pulling away and greeting Sam in the same manner. He didn't because he was looking at Cas.

Castiel was dressed... pretty normal actually. He was wearing one of his black suits, with a gray tie and, new black shinny shoes it seemed. The only thing out of the ordinary was the glasses. The huge black pair Castiel had on his nose, making his eye seemed impossibly blue and big and...

Dean might be Batman right now, but all he wanted was to kiss Castiel and maybe press him against the door. What maybe? Who knew Cas would look so hot with glasses? _Unsolved question Dean, unsolved question._

And the smile he offered to Dean, like it was something special only between the two of them.

"Hello.. I brought some candies and some beer." Castiel said, showing his bags.

"Yeah cool... But you were supposed to be... to... never mind."

_You're so hot I forgive you for everything._

And Sam chose that exact same moment to pinch his shoulder, reminding him he was there.

_Nobody is going to forget you gigantor, did you see your size?_

Dean moved a little, so Cas could actually see Sam and he cleared his throat before talking. "So Cas... this is my brother Sam. Sam... it's him."

And Dean swore he had never been so embarrassed in his life. The feeling was ridiculous though, Cas was going to act like a perfect gentlemen like he always did, Sammy would be perfect and smiling and then they would get along well the night ending with Sam giving his consent to their wedding and Dean and Cas flying away to Vegas.

Hmmm... Maybe watching that movie the other night with Cas wasn't such a good idea after all. Dean managed to relax as they shook hands, saying hello to each other.

"I like your Clark Kent costume." said Sam. "

Finally! Someone can see the reference!" replied Castiel in the same tone, visibly happy. Dean frowned.

"That's just stupid, why not wear a superman outfit?"

"Because Superman’s costume is Clark Kent, not the other way around."

Sam and Castiel had spoken at the same time and they laughed, Dean looking back and forth at them.

Geeks...

But at the same time, the "I introduce my amazing boyfriend to my incredible tall brother" operation was doing fine. Super fine actually. So fine that next thing Dean knew, Sam was wrapping one arms around Castiel’s shoulder, leading him into the house.

"Me and Cas need to talk alone for a few moments."

"About what?"asked Dean, suddenly alarmed, closing the door.

"Don't worry Dean... I'll be fine."

Castiel threw him a wink over Sam's hand and through his glasses and it was so sexy that Dean just stood there, mouth hung opened, as they were making their way to the living room. He was so making out with Cas with him wearing those glasses on. ...

_Dean focus. Brain, dick, two different things... remember?_

This time, Dean was brought back to reality by a hand on his shoulder, he turned and saw Ash.

"You gonna need those?" he mentioned the candies and beer Dean took from Cas hands.

"No just..." Dean swallowed and handed him everything.

He half smiled as Balthazar and Ash were fighting for the candies, Ruby and Jo watching them, beer in hands and rolling their eyes. Dean should not be worried... Sam promised him he wouldn’t tell Cas a word about his double identity. He turned back to his friends and walked towards them, elbow resting on his couch.

"Guitar hero anyone?"

"I thought you'll never ask Winchester." said Jo.

"I'm gonna kick all of your asses anyway so.."

Dean shrugged turning his XBOX on and getting the guitar out of the cabinet he was keeping them.

"You ain't gonna kick my ass Winchester, I'm the master of rock." declared Ash, throwing his hair back.

Dean laughed as he said. "Well we'll see who's the best..." He put the first guitar on his shoulder and gave the second one to Ash. He then handed the two microphones to Ruby and Joy, then Bal and said. "You guys better sing well!"

"Or what?" asked Ruby

"Or you'll be ruining my incredible performance."

Their were a few "shut up Dean" and Balthazar actually kicked his ass with his foot, but Dean ignored them all, laughing, as he choose a song. He opted for one of his personal favorites : 2 minutes until midnight by Iron Maiden. There were a few whistles in a background and Ruby commented on how he had good taste and Ash repeated how hard he was going to beat Dean.

_Fucking children._

Dean pressed play and the song started rolling. He pressed the buttons skillfully, he was playing this song all the time and he knew the combinations without having to look at his screen. He shook his head in rhythm and turned to them. Ash smiled back at him, playing too and he almost missed a note as he saw how serious Ruby and Jo were about singing, while Balthazar was just shouting in the mic, swaying his hips.

Dean laughed, looking back at the screen.

How many people could claim they saw Thor, Catwoman, Wonder woman and Spiderman dancing and singing all together?

_Best. Halloween. Ever._

And by the time Sam and Cas were back on the living room, Dean was doing the victory dance, mocking Ash because he had off course won.

"See sucker? I told you I would won."

"Oh you're just so adorable Dean." said Sam, stepping in the middle of them, wrapping his arms around Dean.

"Fuck you very much Sam."

"Is that a way to treat your brother?"

"You're not my brother, tonight... You are Hulk."

"...Your argument is valid, I accept it."

"Stop fighting you two and move." said Jo. "I want to play too."

Dean gave her his guitar, because apparently, the next round was Jo against Ruby and he made his way to Cas, smiling. Castiel was on the couch, looking at them, looking casually beautiful.

Dean sat next to him and handed him a beer.

"No thank you..." Castiel replied. "Someone has to stay sober"

"They're all taking taxis later, you know that right?"

"Doesn’t change anything. "

"Okay suit yourself!"

Dean shrugged before he finished the bottle in one long sip, Cas looking at him. He put it down on a the table and laughed as Balthazar and Sam sang, a little too close for that to be friendly, but Sam’s girlfriend was too busy pressing the buttons of the guitar to care. He looked back at Cas, Castiel was still looking at him.

Just like the first time they met.

"So... Everything went fine with Sam?"

"Better than fine... Your brother is just amazing as you are.."

"Naaa... I doubt that." Dean leaned close, forgetting for a moment he had guests.

"Oh why is that?" Castiel smirked, knowing exactly well Dean was going.

Actually it was Dean’s hands who moved first, grabbing Castiel’s face, pulling him into him. God he looked so sexy with those glasses on.

"Because I'm way cooler than Sam." whispered Dean.

And then he kissed Cas, slow and tender, bitting at his lower lip first and crushed their tongues together as Castiel was opening his mouth to him. So full and so perfect, and naturally, Castiel ran his hands through his short hair, deepening the kiss. Dean growled in the other mouth, his tongue lapping every corner, sucking Castiel taste and he smiled as Castiel glasses get in the way, pressing hard in Dean's face. But he didn't pull away.

No, it was the sudden silence around them that made him pull away. And it was five faces who were staring at them, the sound of the TV off. ... Awkward.

"That was hot." said Balthazar

They all laughed and went back playing and Sam raised his thumbs at Dean. Dean nodded, a satisfied grin on his face and turned to Cas. Cas had found a sudden interested in his nails and he was blushing. Apparently, he wasn't as cool as Dean when it came to being caught kissing.

And he was just so cute, his blushing spreading everywhere on his face, his glasses up side down on his face and his red lips all swollen. Oh god...

Dean gave him a quick kiss before standing up, a sudden urge to play again.

They played for a whole hour, Balthazar ending on a couch saying he couldn't feel his feet anymore because he had danced too muh, Castiel had smirked at that telling him to stop being a baby, to what which Bal had replied stop being a bitch and Castiel had rolled his eyes, because apparently, Bal had forgotten who was the real bitch in this relationship...

Oh okay... This was a side of Castiel Dean really liked to see and he could see why Balthazar and him were best friends.

Ruby and Jo seemed to get along well as they cleared the living room of the empty beer bottles and candy bags. Dean put some pizza in the oven as Sam and Ash were playing words for friend on Sam I-phone. When he came back with the pizzas, they practically jumped on him and Dean was glad he had bought a few.

There was another round of beer for everyone, well everyone except for Cas. Cas, Dean, Balthazar and Jo were sitting on the couch, Sam and Ruby were on the floor, the brunette pressed against Sam’s body and she was the one breaking the lazy atmosphere. Just blame it on the pizza.

"We should watch a movie... It's Halloween after all."

"I approve." said Dean.

"And since it's my apartment I pick the movie."

"Oh no... Are we going to watch the Rocky Horror Picture Show again?" Sam moaned playing with Ruby’s hair.

"Hell yeah."

"We watch it every year!"

"I've never seen that movie." admitted Cas.

Everyone turned to him and he just shrugged, like it wasn't such a big deal.

And Dean was torn between "he's the best boyfriend ever" and "what?". He decided to smile softly at Cas.

"That's it we're watching it." And since they were in the dark, Dean took the opportunity to settle himself in Castiel’s arms, headin his neck and Castiel’s strong arms around him. It actually felt nice. And deep down, Dean knew Castiel wasn’t watching the movie because he was watching Dean the whole time. He saw Cas smile from the corner of his eyes as he whispered the lyrics of every song, as he laughed at the scenes he knew by heart and how he kept mocking Sam because they were indeed watching the movie until the end.

"So?" declared Dean, as the credits were rolling on the screen.

He was actually looking at Cas, waiting for his approval, but Balthazar surprised them all by standing up and clapping his hands.

"So now we need stronger drinks because we are playing strip poker children."

... _What the... WHAT? You want me to play strip poker in the same room as my little brother, his girlfriend, the girl I know since I'm twelve and ..._

_NO. NO. I would need more than therapy after that._

Dean opened his mouth trying to find the right words but it was hard because everyone seemed in the mood for it, suddenly moving to the kitchen because the table was bigger over there.

Dean felt one hand on his shoulder. It was Cas.

"Sorry... I'll try to talk to him, okay?" Yeah you do that Cas...

Talk to him my ass, thought Dean ten minutes later when he was sat at his own table, cards in hands.

Sorry mouthed Cas at the other end of the table, hiding behind his own cards.

Dean smiled at him, because really it was not his fault, he had done his best, instead of playing with money, they were playing with cookies and the loser of the crop had to drink a full shot of whisky. Served by Balthazar off course. Dean stared at his cards, then his friends and boyfriend and rolled his eyes.

And he thought he was having issues.


	4. Chapter 4

Three hours and a lot of whisky later, it was an angry Dean pacing in his living room, Castiel looking at him, sitting on the couch. Dean had lost his shirt and he was walking around with the rest of his Batman outfit, which essentially meant his black tights but he was feeling too hot and pissed to stay in place or to care.

Besides, no one was here except Cas so... So he could keep ranting.

"I can't believe I lost. I'm a good player. Balthazar must have cheated, I just knew it, this just can't be..."

Dean went on and on, how he saw Balthazar do that thing with the cards, yeah like he could see anything clearly with that level of drunkenness.

"Dean... You should really calm down."

"Calm down? Why are you telling me to calm down? I'm perfectly fine. We should do something about Balthazar, I just knew I should have kept chasing him around the house with that spoon."

"Oh gosh... Seeing you drunk is just so funny."

"I'm not..."

Dean shut his mouth because maybe he was a little drunk (just a tinny little bit) and mostly because Castiel had finally taken his trench coat and his vest off, wrapping his arms around Dean's neck, clothing brushing against his skin. And if Dean was good at noticing Castiel when he was sober, now it was just pure torture...

When Castiel’s fingers ran through his hair, some of his nails digging into his skull, Dean let escape a low moan before he grabbed Castiel's hips, pressing the other’s body against his. He moaned again, shivers traveling down his spine, slightly pushing his head back. Cas took the opportunity to lick his neck and Dean closed his eyes, whole body surrendering to Castiel.

Castiel moved still slowly, his tongue licking right into that spot where he could feel Dean's heart beat and his fingers moved again on Dean's skull. Dean opened his mouth to growl a muffled "Cas... oh..." and he pressed himself even more against Cas, his hips moving on their own accord once he had realized how hard he was. And how hard Cas was too. Fuck...

Dean opened his eyes in an instant and he grabbed Castiel’s face and kissed him. Hard and passionate, whisky still on his tongue and running through his veins, making everything a lot more clear. Castiel didn't mind and his hands move to Dean's head to his back, holding on Dean's shoulder like it was a matter of death or life. Maybe it was.

Dean didn't know, every cell of his body was screaming at him, telling him to devour Castiel's mouth, to move his hips this way, to run his hands through those hair... _Oh god_... When Castiel parted from the kiss, he had that look on his face, dark blue eyes behind the matching frame, looking suddenly wild. Oh fuck... Dean was the one shivering now and he welcomed Castiel second kiss as greedily as the first one.

He needed it, so badly, how could he realize that only now?

They kept kissing and kissing, lips crushed against each other, only pulling away for a second to have some sort of air but frankly, Dean didn't care. He wanted this, Castiel kissing him and making his head spin and his skin so hot. Fuck. They stumbled on the couch and they were both to eager to stop that they ended on the floor, Castiel straddling Dean's hips.

Oh gosh... Too fast or too slow. Dean didn't know, he stopped thinking the moment Castiel's hands found his cock.

_"Caaaaaas..."_

He pushed himself back against the floor and arched underneath the touch, closing his eyes. Everything now was just sounds, shivers running across his spine and this hand on him. Castiel moved, following his movement and he pressed his chest against Dean, his fingers running all over Dean's length. Castiel’s voice was distant but Dean felt it when he kissed him, he felt it when hard and long strokes tortured his cock.

He felt everything. Castiel's mouth against his was delicious, Castiel’s shirt caressing his hot skin, Castiel’s strong hips in his firms palm and his hand... Oh his hand...

"Please Cas... Please faster... I need it."

Castiel bit his neck and Dean growled. Yes he wanted this. What was shame anyway? He had forgot and all he wanted... No, he was nothing but want. He wanted Cas, he wanted this, he was so greedy tonight and the alcohol had done nothing more but to break his last walls of control. He moved his hips with Castiel's hand, almost screaming as he picked up the pace.

He opened his mouth to say something coherent but soon, his begging became a long litany of _"yes, yes, yes, yes, yes"_ as Castiel's fingers were moving, furiously now. Going up and down, pressing hard just the right way. Just the good way. And second by second, his orgasm was building inside of him.

Castiel pressed his mouth against his ear and he whispered, breathing hard "It's okay Dean... Let go... I got you." More than his hand, those words really shook Dean. He opened his eyes and looking at this familiar face, the man he loved, he came. Hard. His body was still moving as he released himself on Castiel's palm and the latter later kept stroking him through his climax, whispering precious words to his ear.

"Shhh... It's okay Dean. I'm here. You are beautiful you know that? And absolutely wonderful. It's okay... I got you my love."

Dean only responds were a few moans, closing his eyes back, his head falling on the floor. Things still felt confusing and too bright around him but it was okay. Dean nodded slightly on the floor, one hand going on Castiel's face to touch it. Castiel kissed his fingers and Dean smiled, darkness surrounding him.

It was okay... Castiel was here.

~~~

"Dean... Dean wake up."

"Hmmm... leave me alone, go away..."

Dean growled without opening his eyes and put the pillow on his head, trying to go back to sleep. No way he was waking up now... No freaking way. His head hurt like hell, his mouth was dry, he was half naked for some reason and even with the covers on him, he somehow felt cold. Besides, someone had the brilliant idea to draw the curtains, letting the sunlight in.

_Beautiful people like me need their sleep... So whoever the hell you are, let me sleep._

The person above him chuckled and Dean cursed under his breath as the pillow was removed from his head and he was forced to roll over and opened his eyes. He faced a fully awake and shinny Cas. Castiel had his hands on his hips, a bright smile on his face and he was wearing one of Dean's many Led Zep t-shirts and cotton pants.

_Fuck you... It's not because you look hot in the morning that you got the right to dazzle me like that._

Dean actually mumbled the sentence as he buried his head in his hands, trying to remember why his head was so fucking heavy. Oh right... The poker game... And the making out with Cas. Hot by the way... But drinking whisky? Bad. Oh so bad.

Castiel laughed and sat next to him in the bed, kissing his shoulder. Dean moaned, because that felt good and Cas laughed again.

"Hmm... Go away." said Dean still hiding his face.

"Good morning to you darling."

"Don't call me like that."

_No I'm not blushing because of that, it's one of the many hungover effects._

Dean was about to reply something, if only he could think about it, but Castiel pressed something cold against his arm. He turned, Cas was handing him a glass of water with something in it.

"What's that?" Dean asked, his voice so rusty.

"Just drink, it will make you feel better."

Dean’s stomach twitched hearing the softness in Castiel's voice, he stopped arguing and drank it all in one long sip.

"There. Happy?"

"Hmm... Almost."

Castiel stole him a quick kiss before he was on his feet again. Dean looked at him with a puzzled look, asking himself how could he be so joyful. He turned to his nightstand to look at the clock: it was 9am. The fuck Cas? No one in the world is awake at 9am... Oh but you didn't drink so... Sexy cute bastard.

"Don't move... got a little surprise for you." With that, Castiel left the bedroom. Okay...

Dean fell into the covers, eyes staring at the ceiling. He was starting to feel a little better and maybe it was a good thing that Castiel didn't let him sleep through the whole day. He was glad he didn't puke because the last thing Cas needed to see was Dean that drunk and he was also smiling about the fact that Cas had changed his clothes, putting Dean's pajama pants instead, and had put him to bed.

Because honestly, Dean must have blacked out after the making out on the floor... And the fact that Cas felt comfortable enough to wear his clothes? Adorable. It felt nice to have someone taking care of him....

Now Dean was eager for him to come back. Just to show him how pleased he was of having him there. And when Castiel pushed the door opened, Dean rested on his elbow, fully awake now. Before he saw Castiel, he noticed the smell and his mouth watered with anticipation and Castiel finally entered the bedroom, tray in hands, a warm smile on his mouth. Dean’s jaw dropped as Castiel made his way to the bed.

Oh god... Dean looked down and saw the pancakes covered with maple syrup, fried bacon on the top of it, scrambled eggs and off course, a big cup of black coffee, just like Dean liked it. Oh... Castiel just... He lifted his gaze to Cas as the latter was pushing the tray to him, being careful of not making it fall on the bed.

And he must have noticed the surprised look on Dean's because Castiel bit his lips and opened his mouth a few times before he finally spat out some words. "I know you usually don't do breakfast and you just drink coffee but... But I thought you could... try that and tell me what you think? "

"I think I can make an exception for today."

Dean said as he grabbed the fork, only realizing now how hungry he was. He started with the bacon and the eggs, putting as much as he could in his mouth. And he moaned at the taste, because it was actually pretty good. Scratch that, it was incredible. Dean swallowed before he started eating the pancakes too.

"Didn't know you could cook..." he said between two bites. Castiel laughed and he ran his fingers on Dean's legs.

"Not much actually...and it's nothing really.."

"Are you kidding?" Dean rolled his eyes and took a sip of coffee, delighted to see that Castiel had put just the right amount of sugar he licked in it."It's amazing... Didn't know I had that in my fridge."

"Well... You didn't." confessed Cas. "I went to do some shopping this morning."

"You went out while I was sleeping?"

"Yes."

"With my clothes on?"

"Well... yes."

Dean didn't reply but his inner teenage girl was screaming.

Scratch that, his inner Sarah was screaming. It was just too perfect and he could easily picture Castiel with the Led Zep shirt and the trench coat, going out in the early morning to buy some eggs.

Romantic might be the word but right now, Dean was thinking of cute and adorable. Castiel was selfless and he obviously cared about the people he loved, and Dean could relate to that. He had remembered with a smile on his face Cas insisting for Bal to call him as soon as he was home, and the fact that his friend was taking a taxi didn't change anything apparently. Dean was the same with Sam, he was trying to be a rock his brother could lean on whenever he needed it. And Dean had never expected to find someone who would be able to do that for him but also not making him feel guilty about it.

Minutes later, the breakfast had completely disappeared and it was a grinning Dean who put the tray on the floor. His smile grew bigger as he settled himself in Castiel’s opened arms, both of their backs pressed against the wall, legs tangled in a giant mess. And Dean looked right into those big eyes, their noses brushing each other, his heart pounding fast in his chest.

"Stop looking at me like that." Dean whispered.

"Like what?"

"You know... Being all cute and sexy."

"Well..." Castiel sighed. "I can't help that." He finished in a perfect imitation of Dean's voice.

"Oh shut up!"

Dean patted his shoulder chuckling, still so close to him. Castiel didn't smile however, his gaze had changed and he was looking at Dean like he was afraid or something... But Dean didn't push, he waited for a few minutes, holding his breath.

"The breakfast it was... it was... I think it was my way of apologizing."

"Apologizing for what?"

"For lying to you."

Castiel closed his eyes for a moment while Dean's widened with full shock and surprise. Wait what... He had missed something big. Like really big...

How could they have move from "let's cuddly cuddle after this awesome breakfast" to "we need to talk."

_No me gusta. No me gusta at all._

Especially if Castiel was that tense and nervous next to Dean. He usually was shy and slightly ill at ease when they were making advancements in their relationship but this... Dean had never seen him like this, Castiel was truly afraid. Like what he had to say was so unbearable it might drive them apart.

Dean frowned and wrapped his hands around his neck, his stomach and heart going crazy because the gesture was too intimate.

"Hey Cas... open your eyes and tell me how you could have possibly lied to me."

_I'm the big fat liar here, Cas. You will probably run away when I tell you the truth._

Castiel did as Dean ordered him and Dean could see the beginning of some tears in his eyes. It had to be something really important. But no matter what it was, Dean was there. As Cas pointed out so many times, he was not going anywhere.

"Remember when you asked me about my previous relationships? I told you I was married and she left."

"... Yes?" Dean said hesitantly.

"Well... I lied about the last part. The truth is..." Castiel took one deep breath, looking into Dean's green eyes like he was trying to find something in them. "The truth is... Anna is dead. She had a car accident... I just... I left everything after that, my job, my house, my family...everything. And I moved to Chicago, Balthazar followed me because he didn't want to leave me alone. And you asked me how I discovered Sarah's chronicle? Well it helped me after Anna's death, when I first read her articles, it was the first laugh I had in months. So here's the truth... I'm sorry, I don't know why I lied to you, I just didn't want you to turn me down, okay? I was so sure after her death I wouldn't find any woman like that... It's kinda true I guess, I found you."

Castiel offered him a little smile as he finished his sentence, waiting for Dean’s reaction.

Dean couldn't say or do anything coherent right now. He was just staring back at Cas, surprise and amazement on his face.

Who would have known? That creating Sarah and giving people advice would have helped someone like Castiel? Sarah was all over Castiel's life and Dean's. Dean was seeing his big lie now and he was the one afraid now. Castiel was being honest and he was the one taking advantage of the situation...

And when Dean moved, he crushed his lips at Castiel, throwing himself at him and kissing him with fierce passion. He would tell him, he would tell him everything tonight and Castiel would forgive him and there were going to be happy.

"Wow... I didn't expect that." Castiel said as Dean's kissed his jaw, then his cheeks, his nose, his eyelashes. Any part of his face he could reach.

"And I didn't expect you in my life either... So I guess we're even now."

Dean kissed him again, the words I love you on his lips, words he would tell later to Cas as soon as the truth was out.

~~~

And they didn't do anything out of the ordinary that day, mostly because Dean didn't want to. Or because Castiel was agreeing to everything Dean was saying. Well almost everything. It was a really lazy day. So lazy that Dean insisted they stayed in bed as they ate the sandwiches Castiel had made.

Cas had just shrugged and brought the food, apparently already too used to Dean's ease around him. They listened to Dean's favorite album, staring at the ceiling and Dean singing along. Castiel was snugged against him the whole time, trying to remain awake even if Dean could see he was tired. He stroked his dark hair and Castiel gave up with a moan falling asleep.

Dean wondered why he was so exhausted, it wasn't like... no... Dean frowned looking down at Castiel, who was sleeping happily in his arms...

_Oh Cas... Tell me you didn't stay up all night just to care of me..._

Apparently Castiel did because he slept through the whole afternoon. But Dean didn't mind... He just ignored his stomach growling, his eyes on Cas.

_Seriously dude, I'm skipping lunch for you... It's gotta be love or something like that... Or something like that._

When Castiel started moving again, Dean didn't leave him time to adjust and he kissed him and grabbed both of his hands, rushing to the bathroom. Dean felt the need to be close to Cas, as close as possible. He let the hot water fill the bathtub as Castiel was slowly waking up, Deantrailing kisses all over his jaw.

He took off his clothes and then Cas', smiling to see Cas this pliant underneath his touches and he led them to the water. Castiel moaned slightly but he settled himself in Dean's opened arms, Dean hissing a little feeling his body this close to Cas. His naked body by the way... But Dean didn't know why, maybe it was the warm water surrounding them, this contact didn't feel sexual at all.

He just closed his eyes and relaxed, bringing Cas closer. They didn't talk. There was clearly nothing more to say and they spent a full hour in the bath. Not like Dean minded. In fact, it was Castiel who urged him to move. Saying that hearing Dean's stomach growl was not funny anymore. Dean just shrugged and put his clothes back on, soon pressing Castiel into a hug.

"Hmmm... You know you've got to let go of me at some point?" He pointed out as they made their way to the kitchen, Dean’s chest still pressed against Castiel’s back.

"What if I don't want to?" Dean whispered right into the other’s ear, smile on his face.

"Okay fine with me!"

Castiel shivered a little as Dean's fingers went underneath his shirt, running all over his skin.

"Not fair..." said Cas, one hand going into Dean’s still wet hair, the other trying to open the fridge. "Dean I mean it... Stop it."

"Oh okay." Dean pouted against Castiel’s shoulder and the latter sighed deeply. "What?"

"You just eat too much, the fridge is already empty. How do you survive anyway?"

"Hey I can take care of myself!"

"I highly doubt that... I guess we just have to go out and buy something. Or just eat outside... So what do you want : chicken wings or a burger?"

Castiel had turned his head slightly to face Dean the best he could in this position, eyes full of concern. And to be honest, Dean didn't know why, why he reacted this way because it was just a simple question, but his hands found Castiel's hips and he kissed him. Wild, opened and passionate.

Castiel was surprised at first but he kissed Dean back, the grip on the short hair tightening. He moaned, trying to part from Dean but Dean just held him, sucking those lips the way he knew Castiel liked it.

"Dean what the..." Cas managed to say between two kisses "Not hungry anymore." replied Dean in a growl. "What the... oh!"

Dean spun Castiel around and kissed him hungrily, pressing him against the fridge. Castiel stopped trying to push him back and instead he pressed him close. But it was not enough. It was not. Something at the back of Dean's head was screaming wrong and he just knew, he just knew it was Cas.

It had to be Cas.

And he wanted him right now. Because it was not about eating outside or the fact that Castiel was taking care of him. Castiel was taking care of him because he wanted to and Dean let him do that because he loved that. He loved him.

He was in love with Castiel.

As soon as that sudden realization hit him, Dean let go of Castiel’s lips. His heart beating fast. Like everything had changed. But it didn't. It was still Cas and he was still Dean. Then he had to explain that to his heart in his chest, or to his hands that couldn't stop moving on Castiel's face, the latter moaning at the touch, or to his lips who were longing for Castiel's to be pressed against him.

Oh hell... He wanted Cas. Now.

And maybe it was written all over his face, maybe Cas has some sort of power and he could feel it, whatever it was, they were kissing again. More slowly than they ever did, really tasting each other.

There was apparently no need to talk or say words out loud, they just knew. Dean knew, kissing Cas felt somehow different but he knew he was the only one who had changed. And Cas too. Or maybe Castiel had always felt that way and he was just waiting for Dean to be ready.

And yes, Dean was ready, ready to give everything without thinking about the consequences. Being hurt or heartbroken was out the question now, he just wanted to be loved. And it was like his whole body was screaming "please, love me back" to Castiel and he let him take full charge on the kiss, didn't protest when Castiel’s hands were on his hips, didn't flinch when Castiel was pushing him back against the kitchen counter.

Dean wrapped his legs around Castiel, bringing him closer, needing to feel him closer. He knew that body by heart now and still was amazed of how right it felt right and good against his. Eventually they parted for air but Castiel’s mouth was still moving on his skin, like he was reading Dean, figuring exactly what the other wanted. And Dean was pliant, hips rolling against Castiel and moaning every time those lips came in contact with his skin.

More he wanted more, so much more. Fingers in hair, lips against skin... He whispered Castiel’s name like a silent prayer as the latter was sucking his collarbone. The gesture was pure torture, Castiel's tongue trailing his own scent and taste all over it. Dean shivered because his tongue was warm and his body seemed so cold... Oh so cold always so cold next to Cas...

Castiel retreated to take off his shirt, then Dean's. He looked so beautiful like that, his face honest and trustful and his eyes... His pupils were dilated and Dean was afraid for a minute because he had never seen that blue in those eyes. But he welcomed Castiel’s kisses anyway. Just like his hands on his back, fingers moving, tracing his shoulder blades slowly, then following the curve of his collarbone, making him arch and shiver.

So sensitive... He was so damn sensitive, Dean lost it, closing his eyes. He was feeling drunk again, but drunk from Cas, drunk from love.

"Hmmm... Cas... bed. Now."

And a part of him should have been embarrassed when Castiel grabbed his hips and actually carried him to the bedroom. Maybe ... But there was nothing to hide and Dean was too busy licking Castiel lips, tracing the lines of his face with his fingers. He never knew how they made it to the bedroom. He frankly didn't care. He was seeing Cas. For the first time it seemed.

It was when Dean's back hit his bed that he realized what they were about to do. He blushed, biting Castiel's shoulder, shivering from anticipation. Castiel sucked one of his nipples and Dean pushed himself back against the bed, reduced to nothing just from that simple touch. Cas took that opportunity to run his hands on Dean's pants and he pushed them down.

He stripped Dean completely, eyes glued on him and Dean blushed again, moving in the sheets, feeling more cold than ever. This wasn't just fucking, Castiel was about to make love to him. And just to confirm his thoughts, Castiel stood up and started undressing himself, Dean quickly came to help, in a sitting position, and together they undressed Cas, Dean with shaky fingers and Castiel still irradiating above him.

For once, he wasn't the one blushing. Once they were both naked, he sat next to Dean and grabbed his face.

"Are you sure... you.."

"Yes."

"We can stop right now, you know? We don't have time to..."

"Cas I want you. Now... Please, don't say no to me, not right now."

_Not when I'm the most vulnerable I could ever be. I would never be like that with anyone else so please, don't say no._

Unspoken words but Castiel understood, he kissed Dean again, so softly his kisses didn't seem real and he lay him on the bed, hands all over his chest. Dean felt special, Dean felt loved. He shivered, moaning, because of Castiel’s small touches and he spread his legs opened when hands were cupping his ass. He looked at the man above him and his heart bit faster, beautiful...

Castiel trailed opened wet kisses on his chest going down and down, making Dean harder and harder by every seconds and deep down he knew he wouldn't be able to last too long, just like he knew it had zero importance. He was just falling right into Cas, he wasn't afraid anymore, Cas was going to set him free.

And Dean literary jumped, hips moving on their own accord when Castiel's mouth found his hard on. He gripped the sheets as Castiel was taking him down into his mouth, eyes shutting themselves at the consuming sensation. But it was low and tempting, Castiel head moving slowly. He released Dean after a few strokes and kissed lower.

Dean moaned, all wild and guttural, suddenly really hot, only realizing now that he was covered in sweat, his body giving into Cas and sliding nicely on the cover. Castiel's tongue kept going down until there were fingers stretching him more open than he will probably ever be and then Castiel's tongue was just there, licking that sweet spot. Dean hips moved again by their own, welcoming the tongue, his own hands found Castiel hair, urging him, his body taking what he needed.

Castiel seemed eager to please, and soon his tongue was pushing right into Dean and it was suddenly hard to breathe. Castiel repeated the motion, touching Dean's most intimate places, licking and lapping like he wanted it all, everything Dean had to offer. That thought made Dean impossibly hot and when Castiel’s fingers were in his mouth, he sucked them with complete devotion, hips moving riding himself on Castiel's tongue.

More, he needed more. Oh and he was so close. So close to the ground, he had decided to fall into Cas but he didn't want the drop to end right now. Not right now, he needed Cas to mark him in every possible way. He hummed around those fingers and Castiel pulled them out before his tongue was out to, raising his head looking at Dean. And Dean had whimpered a little at the loss but soon he moaned, seeing how Castiel looked.

He didn't even look human anymore. He looked too out of control for that. Like he was something higher and stronger. Dean made a small nod to the nightstand and Cas understood, a strong grip finding the condoms. Dean swallowed hard at that, his sweaty Adam apple moving, because of what they were about to do. Castiel struggled to open the condom and Dean helped, seeing that he wasn't the only one nervous, he kissed Cas softly and put the condom in place.

Castiel sighed happily and he let Dean give him a few long strokes before he growled, moaning "enough" and pushing Dean back on the bed.

_We are doing this my love, you're making me yours._

And Castiel pressed their foreheads together, moving still slowly, making sure their body their

pressed against each other. Dean whimpered again because he couldn't do slow right now but Castiel's hushed him and smiled.

"Be good."

Dean didn't want that and he sucked Castiel’s bottom lip, making him move a little bit quicker. Soon, Dean's legs were wrapped around Castiel's waist and their cocks were brushing against each other. Oh Dean wanted this ... He wanted Cas. And Castiel kissed him, plain and simple, just lips against lips as he pushed himself inside of Dean.

The first push was a burn and Dean moaned, his head falling on the side, mouth opened. It was not his first time, but he felt so much better, so much better than anything else. Castiel licked his exposed neck and keep pressing inside of Dean, going deeper and deeper. And they both moaned as Dean's body was swallowing Cas, Cas stretching him opened. The burning was excruciating now and Dean's hands found Castiel shoulders and gripped tight, nails into his skin.

And Castiel kept going deeper and deeper, burning him from the insides. Oh he had been so cold, he needed that, he needed to be burned. So badly. And he turned to Cas, biting his lips to keep the screams inside of him when the other was all the way in. Castiel looked beautiful and Dean took a mental picture, just to be sure he would remember his face later and he moaned. And screamed.

And next Castiel's lips were on him in instant, kissing him softly, whispering words in his ear. Dean was fine, it didn't hurt, or maybe it did a little but he was enjoying it. He was enjoying being completed, by Castiel. All over and around him, only Cas. He screamed his name as his body was relaxing, his muscles ring making room for Castiel's length, and he urged him to move.

_Move please Castiel please. Please move and make it last forever, please, please._

Dean didn't know what he was saying or thinking those words, it was just too intense and when Castiel moved... He completely gave in and screamed with passion when his lover was making him his. Marking him, filling him, completing him. Castiel thrusts were low and slow at first, like he was testing Dean. Dean opened his eyes, he didn't remembered he had closed and asked for more, he wanted everything.

His feet went on Cas ass, and pushed him deeper, his hips moving with him too, going up and down for more. Oh yes... That was it... Castiel was moaning with him too and he kissed Dean, hands on his face before they went down, going on Dean's hips, gripping tight so Castiel could slam into him. Passionate, always hard and maybe violent, Dean matched Castiel thrust, as he made love to him. Giving him everything he wanted.

There was no rhythm and Castiel was moving, completely mad and insane above him, pounding and pounding inside of Dean, making some place for him. Because they needed to be like, they needed to be one. One, perfect together, they were moving in sync and they were both covered in sweat now, Castiel's thrusts so hard they were actually making the bed move.

Dean didn't care and took it, he didn't need it to be slow or soft, he needed it to be exactly the way they wanted it. Castiel. Now. Loving him with wild passion, that was all Dean wanted. He was having it, hard and fast, low and raw, he was having it. Oh he was so close to the ground now. The falling was almost over and he sensed that his body couldn't take it anymore.

Dean's grabbed his own cock and matched Castiel’s thrust, Castiel growled before his hands found Dean's length too, stroking together. Together. Dean shuddered and he broke, coming into Castiel's hands, or maybe his own, he didn't know, he closed his eyes and pushed himself back into the bed as his own release overpowered him.

It was like being up and down in the same time, free and yet so close to prison, Dean gasped a few times, trying to breathe. Hard to do when Castiel's was still moving into him, but Castiel seemed to be gone too, he kissed Dean, the other stealing his air and he came just like that, screaming into Dean's mouth. And it was difficult to stop, for a few seconds, their hips were still moving together and slowly, very slowly they stopped moving, Castiel falling on top of Dean.

Dean growled a bit and Castiel moved to his side, still inside of Dean. When he tried to pull away, Dean growled again. No, they were staying like this. One. Castiel kissed him and he used that as a distraction and pulled away, throwing the condom on the floor. But Dean didn't care about that, and so did Cas because he pushed inside of him again. Dean sighed happily and then Castiel's arms were on him and his fingers were still moving as they looked at each other.

Dean was still breathing hard and he was still full of Cas. And when he saw the latter opened his mouth, he silenced him with a kiss.

No talking... They didn't need that. Especially now.

~~~

Dean woke up because of Castiel. Off course. Cas was trailing kisses on his face, his soft lips everywhere except Dean's own lips. Dean moaned and tried to push him away, eyes still closed, parts of him still asleep. Far away from him, Castiel laughed and then brushed his lips against Dean's mouth. Dean let escape another sound, low, his breathing heavy, and Cas took that opportunity to kiss him really.

His tongue warmed Dean up, licking Dean's mouth, casting sleep away. Dean shivered at the touch, becoming more and more aware of his own body, as Castiel kissed him, hands on his skin.

Every part of Dean hurt, he tried to move his arms, they were too heavy. Moving his head was out of the question because his shoulders and neck were in no condition to support him, his chest was burning him where his heard was supposed to be, one of his legs was still around Castiel waist and... Dean growled, starting to kiss Castiel back. Castiel was _here_ , still inside of him. Now Dean was fully awake. He opened his eyes and was greeted by Castiel's deep blue ones.

"Hey" whispered the other, a moan on his lips.

"Hey" replied Dean in the same tone, fingers moving all along Castiel’s jaw, feeling the beginning of his new beard.

And everything fell into place when Dean rolled his hips, creating that sweet friction they were both craving for. Everything was still heavy around Dean, the only thing he could make out was Castiel. He whispered his name as he moved again, he pushed Castiel back on the mattress, strong hands on his pale skin and he straddled his hips.

Castiel’s eyes were still devouring him and when Dean pushed his hips up then down, he felt alive. And just like that, they were making love again. Dean was riding Castiel slowly, pushing the other's cock deeper and deeper inside of him, taking his time, his body remembering second by second who it belonged to. They tangled their fingers together, eyes locked on one and other, low and rich moans slowly filling the room. It was morning and Dean could feel the sunlight on his skin and he was making love to Castiel. His man. Dean didn't pick up the pace, he enjoyed the slow burn in his body, how he was getting harder and harder and how Castiel was looking at him. Rolling his hips down, pushing Cas all the way in, Dean kissed the tip of Castiel’s fingers, nothing but love on his lips, on his skin, nothing but love.

Castiel stood up, managing to sit on the bed and Dean wrapped his arms around his neck. He pressed their foreheads together, body still moving so slowly, as he moaned Castiel's name without any shame. They exchanged one kiss and Castiel was coming inside of him slowly, Dean growling feeling Castiel leaking his way inside of him, he felt so good that he missed his own release, his body twitching nicely, spreading himself all over Castiel’s stomach.

They breathed hard and Castiel drew him in his fall. Dean chuckled when he fell into Castiel, sweat and cum getting mixed into their embrace.

"I just love your way of telling me good morning..." Castiel finally said, chest still moving heavily, arms wrapped around Dean.

"Oh I'm sure you do." Dean kissed him softly and sighed. He frankly didn't want to move... But they have to at some point. They had spent the previous day doing nothing, and if he was okay doing the same today, Castiel had a real work and probably some stuff to do. "We should move." whispered Dean.

"And why you're saying that in such a defeated tone?"

"Don't want you to go." mumbled Dean, nose in Castiel's neck.

"And who said I'm going anywhere?" Dean dared to look at Castiel’s face, a playful smile on his lips.

"But... Your work? Your classes? I'm sure your students enjoy missing you one day... But two days in a row? You have to go."

"Oh Dean..." Cas gave him a quick kiss and continued. "Did you even ask me first? I made a few calls when you were asleep yesterday... Which means I can stay here all day." "All day hmmm... "

Dean licked his lips and Castiel laughed at his reaction.

"You're impossible, we're not staying in bed all day."

"Why not? At least now we have something fun to do..." As he finished his sentence, Dean moved his hips again, remembering Cas he was still inside of him. Castiel growled before he stopped him, strong hands on his hips.

"You are going to be the death of me... I'll do anything you want and you know that."

"Oh yeah poor poor Cas. I'm obviously taking advantage of you."

"Yep, and I'm trying to resist I swear."

"So this is trying? Wow..."

They both laughed softly before Castiel kissed him again. And this time it wasn't Dean who growled, well kinda of, but more his stomach.

"Okay first, I need to feed you. So go take a shower while I make breakfast." Castiel ordered him, pushing Dean away and standing up. Dean frowned, suddenly alone in the bed but he looked at the naked Cas in front of him and smiled. His eyes stopped on Castiel’s hips, amazed by the sharp angle of the bone and how he could just see it, before Castiel turned to him, bright smile on his face.

"Dean I mean it!"

"Oh okay." Dean stood up slowly, amazed by the fact that he could still walk.

"Hey can I use your computer to check my mails?" Castiel suddenly asked as Dean was entering the bathroom.

"Yeah sure! But be patient, it's a bit slow."

Dean entered the cabin shower and immediately turned on the water hot. He moaned when it hit his skin and remained still for a moment, enjoying the feeling of the water on his body. And slowly, he was realizing what had happened those past days. He was with Castiel. He was in love with Castiel. And Dean was probably in love for the first time in his life, he had stupidly thought he knew the feeling when his first boyfriend, Michael, took his virginity at the back of his Mustang. Or when he and that guy Russell used to go around every friday night for burgers and then they would fuck in a public area for everyone to see because that was one of the things Russell liked to do.

_Dean... Your love life is kind of fucked up. It's a miracle you met someone like Cas._

Dean nodded to his inner voice, agreeing for once. A miracle... No way he was screwing this one up. Castiel was smart and funny, bitter sometimes and always here for others and Dean liked that about him. Not to mention the sex... Dean grinned like a fool as he grabbed the soap, putting some in his hands. The sex... The best ever. And Dean just had to agree that everything was better with the person you love.

This little mental conversation is starting to sound like a chick flick movie Dean. Any lady part down there.

Dean lowered his gaze, still washing himself. Nope. He was just in a good mood.

When Dean stepped out of the shower a few minutes later, he was still smiling. He wrapped a towel around his waist and didn't bother to dry himself well, drops of water sliding along his chest and he was sure that if he shook his head, he would be able to wet Cas. That was part of his plan. The other part was to accidentally drop his towel and show Castiel that breakfast could wait.

_I'm gonna distract my man with sex because I'm so awesome._

And Dean was dancing, more like moving his hips, singing those words as he was making his way to the room. But Dean stopped when he saw Castiel, now fully dressed and not in Dean's clothes but his own, standing still in the room. Dean’s computer was opened on the bed and there was something dark in Castiel's face.

More than anything, it was the look he gave to Dean who made his smile disappear. Cas was looking at him with so much anger and hostility, his face hard showing nothing but everything was in his eyes. Something was definitely wrong. Dean cleared his throat and broke the silence.

"Hey... Why are you dressed? You need to go out to buy something or..."

"I should have known." whispered Castiel. "I should have know, it was just too beautiful."

"What do you...?"

But Dean stopped talking, stopped thinking when Castiel made his way to the bed and turned his own laptop to him. On the screen, Dean could see Sarah's mails and the beginning of tomorrow‘s article.

**His mails. His computer. His articles.**

He looked back to Castiel and for one second, he saw sadness in those eyes, but it disappeared as soon as Castiel talk. "I can understand that you can read her mails because your her assistant... But really... Dean. How can you explain this? How can you explain that article? Who was going to finish it? You or her?"

Castiel's words hit Dean’s face hard and he tried to speak but he couldn't. Castiel wasn't screaming, it was his usual tone... But the look on his face...

"I should have known it wasn't just a coincidence, you and Sarah look alike after all. So is this what you do Dean? You use her so you can get what you want?"

"No!" finally said Dean, screaming now. How could Cas think of something like that... He would never. He tried to take a step to Cas but the other took one step to the door. No. No. It was all wrong.

"Lying again Dean, I sent you a mail right after the night we met. Asking for some advices, and Sarah told me to go for it. You told me to go for it."

"But... You wanted to go, it was just a simple push!"

Dean regretted the words as soon as they left his mouth, because Castiel's face hardened. He sighed, looking suddenly old and ran his hands through his hair, sadness slowly breaking his mask of anger.

"I trusted you Dean. I let you into my life and... Damn you know everything about me! And now I realize I don't even know who you are!"

"Don't say that Cas, you know who I am...."

_You know who I am, we made love yesterday night and that morning, Cas, you know me, I'm still Dean, please._

Dean didn't talk, he just waited for Castiel’s reaction. Castiel looked back and forth between the computer and spoke again. "When were you planning on telling me Dean?"

"I... I... I just needed more time."

"More time for what? All the time we spent together, getting to know each other, why didn't... You could have... " Cas stopped talking, hurt all over his face.

Something broke inside of Dean, it was all his fault. His fault those blue eyes seemed suddenly gray, his fault if Castiel felt betrayed, all his fault. His big lie was coming right into his face and it was too late. Dean wanted to touch Cas just show him that he was still him, they were still like last night, like this morning. But he didn't move. He just stared at Cas... Looking for something to say.

"It doesn't matter, I mean... Yes... I'm Sarah Wesson, so what? It doesn't change anything between us, okay? It doesn't matter."

Castiel closed his eyes for a moment, Dean hoping he would give him right. But when Castiel looked at him again, his hand found the door and he opened it.

_No please, no..._

"You lied to me Dean. You didn't trust me enough to tell me this. Off course, it matters."

And with one last glance at him, Castiel left.

Castiel was leaving. Dean could have tried to stop him, he could have said something but he didn't. He didn't move when he heard the front door being closed. He remained frozen on the spot, feeling suddenly cold.

Because Castiel was right, it did matter.


	5. Chapter 5

"Here... Drink this."

"I'm not a kid Sam seriously..."

"Dean... I made you hot chocolate... so you're drinking it."

In other times, Dean might have laughed at Sam’s bitchface and even replied something stupid and funny. But not today. Today he didn't have the energy to do so. He didn't have the energy to do anything. He settled himself on Sam's massive bed, almost curved into a ball against the wall and drank. It was supposed to feel comforting but apart from the burn in his throat and his heart aching in his chest, Dean didn't feel anything at all. He noticed the look Sam gave him and his little brother was about to talk but his phone rang.

_Saved by the bell... How ironic._

Dean took another sip at his cup and look Sam moved into the too small bedroom. He used to make fun of that, saying that the university probably never thought a gigantic moose would come study there. Sam didn't mind apparently, his bed was taking most of the space, not to forget the fridge. But he had repeated to Dean countless times he only came here to drink or eat, most of the time he was at the library, or at some friends or with Dean. Dean had tried to get Sam into moving with him, but, even if he did love his big brother with all his heart, Sammy liked his freedom.

Sam finally reached the phone and picked up, eyes still glued on Dean.

"Hey... Yeah... Sorry I was supposed to call you back... Hmmm... Yeah, about that movie, can we do that later? ... Yeah, have to take care of my big bro... No, no, he's okay. No... You don't need to come over. Okay. Love you."

Sam's face cracked into a smile as he said the last word, finally hanging up. Dean should have smiled, seeing Sam like this, he felt happy for his brother but apart from that... He didn't feel the urge to show it. Not anymore.

_Seriously dude get your shit together, Cas left you like what... Three hours ago or something._

Dean closed his eyes for a few seconds and put the cup on the floor, bringing the covers on him. He frankly didn't know how he managed to drive to Sam's dorm. Everything was so blurry and confusing from the moment Castiel closed the door, saying goodbye to him. Dean swallowed hard and he watched as Sam next to him.

"That was Ruby, hmmm? Sorry man, you can go, I'll just crash here."

"And leave you alone? Hell no. I'm staying with you and we're talking about whatever is going on here."

"Not much." whispered Dean rolling his eyes.

"Is it something with Cas? Did... I mean..." Sam sighed, looking for the right words, running his hands through his long hair.

"He's gone." suddenly blurted out Dean.

"What do you mean he's gone?" Sam frowned.

"As in..."

"As in he discovered the truth about Sarah Wesson, just after one of the best nights of my life, just after he told me his big secret. He left."

Part of Dean didn't want to do this right now, he was tired, and Sam’s bed felt comfortable. But somehow, with Sam around, he seemed more talkative than ever.

Must be something about his shiny hair. "Wow... slow down cow boy... Tell me everything from the start."

Dean sighed, really tired now, as he laid on the bed, head resting on Sam's legs. He was tired of pretending he could be strong and handle anything. He was not. He was the guy lying and cheating to have a glimpse of happiness. Gosh... Dean take another deep breathe, hoping the hurt on his chest would attenuate... He already missed Cas. Badly.

"Dean..."

Sam's voice was still here, smooth and reassuring. And he told him everything. Everything from the moment Sam had left the apartment on Halloween night, how he and Cas made out on the floor, the lazy day with Cas, how Cas had told him the truth about his wife, how they made love... Everything.

"So here you go." finished Dean, closing his eyes. "You can say it..."

"Say what?"

"I told you so..."

"Oh gosh Dean..." Sam's hands were on his shoulder, pressing slightly. "I'm not... I'm not going to mock you about that. I feel sorry for you, really, I don't wish that on anyone, especially on my brother... But you got to admit you acted like a jerk."

"I know." whispered Dean. "Trust me I know..."

"Castiel is... I get what he did get mad... Especially considering what happened with his wife... But from what he told me in the kitchen..."

"What did he tell you in the kitchen?" Dean rose suddenly, face full of concern looking at Sam. He had totally forgot about their conversation. Sam sighed before he answered.

"I just asked him if he was serious about you, because you never had something like that and everything... And he said yes, and then he added..." Sam stopped talking, looking away.

"He added what? Sam?"

"He added that he was in love in you and he was just waiting for the right moment to tell you."

"Oh no... "

The ache in Dean's chest seemed to go stronger and his stomach did that strange thing and Dean felt sick. He buried his head in his hands and moaned.

"I'm such a jerk... "

"Yes... But do you love him back?"

"Off course I do." instantly replied Dean, looking at Sam like he was crazy or something.

He did love Cas. With everything he had and if it weren't for the whole Sarah thing, the truth would have been out. But Sarah Wesson seemed more real than ever and Dean never hated her that much. He never hated himself that much...

"Well go get him back tiger!" Sam said, patting his back.

"I'm not sure about that part... I swear Sam... You should have seen the look on his face... It was... It wasn't Castiel, it was someone else."

"So you discovered another side of him and you're gonna run away like a little girl?"

"I'm... Yes, exactly, sue me okay?"

"Whatever Dean..."

Sam just shrugged and went to the fridge, opening a beer and taking a long sip.

"I don't know what is it with you. How can you give good advices to people and can't find the solution yourself? Shh... Don't answer that." Sam hushed him with a move of his hand and continued. "The way I see it? You guys did things to fast... I get it you're in love and blablabla but you guys are both two mature adults with strong pasts. You both lied, you both got hurt, but you love him and he loves you. So give him some time, you'll both have things to think about and being alone could some good. I'm not saying don't go after him... Go after him if you're certain you want him and you're gonna do anything to have him."

Sam had a small pout before he finished his beer, like he just had said the most obvious thing in the world.

Dean took a minute, letting the world sink in. Sam was right... He only had two months with Cas and was about to get himself sick just because they had their first fight. Sam was right.

He needed some time on his own.

~~~

"Dean this is Zachariah, come on son, I know you're here. This is the third message I sent you this week, not to mention all the others last week. My special friend is coming in town this week end. I can arrange a meeting if you want..."

"You can arrange a meeting in my ass." Dean growled, looking nastily at his phone.

He didn't even get up from the couch and waited until Zachariah‘s voice finally disappeared and turned the sound of the TV back on. Dean settled himself more comfortably in the couch, opening a new box of cookies, ready to finish it in no time. He was still in his pajamas, like he had been the past two weeks, a slight beard were starting to appear on his jaw, his Ramones shirt didn't look so clean anymore and maybe he should have done something about the empty beer bottles, ice cream bucket and pizza cardboard on the floor next to him. Maybe...

But Dean was too busy watching Doctor Sexy M.D on the TV. He had missed a lot of episodes, but luckily for him, this channel was doing a morning marathon.

_Dean Winchester this isn't your life._

He chased the voice at the back of his head away and moaned around the cookie, still amazed to see how good that felt. No wonder women will bury themselves in sweets after a breakup... Or maybe it wasn't a break up... Or maybe it was. No sign from Cas in those weeks and it wasn't like he had tried to contact him. But Sam had said give him some times... So Dean was doing it. However, Sam never told him to shower, go out with his friends, pick up the phone when Jo or Ash were calling or even rise up his pretty little ass from the couch.

So Dean was being lazy... So what? When you were thinking about it, he totally deserved it. He

had spent the few years doing nothing but write for the journal and being a good friend, brother. He was still answering to his mails but he didn't have any more obligation to the world. Only Sarah's... Which means his... Dean bite hungrily into another cookie, watching as two interns were making out in a closet on his TV...

Dean swallowed, a wince on his face... Eww... Heterosexual sex, like he needed that right now. What he needed right now? Another box of cookies, a fresh beer and possible a lot of cheese on the top of everything.

Dean went to the kitchen, growling, scratching his beard. The fridge was however empty now, which meant Dean had to go out. Hell to the no. He would just order something, watch a crappy horror movie and pass out on the couch. He grinned at the thought, not even ashamed by how lazy it sounded. He just didn't care enough and had a funny expression when someone knocked on his door... Dean was in the hallway in no time and he just frowned... Hmm... It couldn't be Sam, it just couldn't. Lucky for Dean, Sam had exams this week so he was too busy studying to come check on him, he did however call him every day which was kind of reassuring.

Maybe it's some of those people selling something... hmmm... I don't want a new broom. What if it's a nice kid selling cookies? Do want.

But Dean didn't move, he just stared at the door, not knowing what to do. "I know you're in here, so open the door you idjit."

Oh my fuck... _Bobby?_

Dean rushed to the door and opened it, almost breaking it, a smile appearing on his face seeing the old man in his doorway. It was Bobby, bags in hands and a warm smile on his face. His uncle Bobby, the man who raised him and Sam after their father John had died. Bobby who was supposed to live in South Dakota.

"The fuck you're doing here?" Bobby came inside, closed the door behind him, before he smacked the back of Dean's head.

"Ouch. That hurt!"

"You totally deserve it, son. Is that a way to greet someone?"

"I'm sorry." mumbled Dean, scratching his head, where Bobby just hit him. "So hi... what the fuck are you doing in Chicago... Did Sam call you?" asked Dean, making a mental note to kick Sam's ass next time he would see him. He didn't need a baby sitter really, he was doing fine.

_Hmmm... Define fine again?_

"Yes. Sam called me." casually answered Bobby, taking off his jacket and going to the living room. "And it was about time." The oldest had seeing the mess Dean had made on the couch.

"I don't need..."

"Shh. Shower. Now."

"But I..." "Son... Don't make me say it again."

Dean rolled his eyes and crossed his arms on his chest. This used to work when he was seventeen, but Dean was not anymore. He was not the trouble kid who did everything to get in trouble after his father’s death. No, he was doing fine.

"Bobby, really I'm fine." Bobby rolled his eyes and hit him again.

"That's for lying idjit. Dean I know you, you're not fine. Sam wouldn't have called if it weren't important. Now you go shower and I'll make us some good coffee and then we'll talk. And yes son, that's an order."

Bobby folded his own arms against his chest, giving Dean the same nasty look he was giving him. Dean sighed and smiled slightly, now he knew where his stubbornness came from.

"Okay... Make the coffee good."

"I brought mine, son."

"You did?"

Bobby showed him the bag and Dean smile grew bigger. His addiction for black coffee was also coming from Bobby, he remembered watching him at night drinking cups after cups and trying to work. Or when he wasn't working he was trying to deal with the fact that he had inherited two already grown up sons. But to Dean, Bobby did a good job at being their father, a better job than anyone could have.

Thirty minutes later, it was a clean and shaved Dean who sat at the kitchen table, rightin front of Bobby. He was wearing a Nine Inch Nails shirt, because after all, he still felt moody, and the cleanest jeans in his closet, meaning the one hidden in the back of his closet. A gift from Sam, because according to Dean they make me him look too gay. Like Balthazar gay... The thought of Balthazar made his stomach twitch and Dean took the cup of coffee in front of him, focusing on the strong smell. It was that or thinking of Cas. No, Dean didn't want to think about Cas.

"So are you going to tell me what's wrong or we wait until tomorrow morning?" Bobby voice snapped Dean out of his reverie.

"It's... It's complicated, okay?" "How complicated... come on kiddo... Since when do you keep secrets from me anyway?"

"I'm sorry Bobby, but this a pretty lame story."

Dean shrugged and took his first sip of coffee. He moaned at the taste and drank faster. It was definitely the best coffee in the best universe. Or maybe it was not the coffee. Maybe it was just Bobby, sitting here right in front of him, letting him take his time, waiting for him to find the good words. But maybe there was no good words, Dean might be over thinking this one. They remained silent for a few minutes, drinking their coffee. Dean rinsed the cups and he sat next to Bobby again. And then he talked... About everything.

About Sarah, about his work at the journal, about Castiel... Just everything. Bobby didn't interrupt him and Dean was glad. Because the more he talked, the more he realized how fucked up and messy his own life was. Nothing was simple. Lying, cheating, hiding, Dean got tangled in the middle of this. It wasn't about Sarah, it wasn't about Castiel, it was about him. And by the time he finished his whole story, Bobby had already some coffee again, and when Dean finally silenced, his hands resting on his laps, Bobby was pushing a full cup to him.

"Son... You're an idjit."

"Tell me something I don't know Bobby."

"Well... I never knew that when you asked me to go to college for that literature thing, never knew it was to be a writer. You should have told me about Sarah."

"Yeah... I'm sorry... I thought... you would be ashamed or something..." mumbled Dean, lips around the cup.

And Bobby chose that exact same moment to hit again. Dean threw him a nasty look, almost spilling his coffee on the table. Almost.

_Bobby this coffee is golden... Don't mess with it._

"Ashamed? Dean I'm proud of you okay? You managed to get through this whole mess we called life, you got a job, a place to live, you're close to your brother. How can I be ashamed of you?"

"Thanks... I guess."

Dean was feeling slightly better, like something was off his chest.

"The only question is... why hide behind Sarah?"

"Don't know... it seemed easy when I started a few years ago... And to be honest, I never thought she would get so popular."

That was completely true. When he first started at the journal, Dean was just a regular intern, looking for some money and trying to satisfy his passion for literature. He was already writing at the time, but mostly for him, writing supernatural stories about two brothers hunting demons and monsters, based on his favorite horror movies. And then, his superior, Rufus, had told them the newspaper was looking for something fresh, something new. Dean had stayed up all night and looking into the newspaper data, he had found some deleted mails. Mails the readers would send asking for advice. And that night Sarah was born. Just to help people who needed the most.

"I'm supposed to meet Zachariah this week end, so I can meet a real publisher or something.."

"That's a good thing, right?" asked Bobby. "I don't know..." Dean’s fingers were playing with the cup.

"They want Sarah not me. And it's stupid and frustrating because I can write stuff on my own. I don't need Sarah, off course I want to publish a book. But with my name on it."

"Then... You got your answer son. Screw those people, do it your way... You're Dean Winchester remember? The boy who doesn't give a crap about anything!"

Bobby gave him a pat on his shoulder and Dean laughed. Really laughed, happiness breaking through his features.

Hell yeah... He was Dean Winchester and it was time to remind the whole word what it meant.

~~~

"I'm sorry Dean... Zachariah is in the middle of a meeting, he can't talk to you right now."

"No I'm sorry for you sweetheart, this can't wait."

Dean threw a wink at Zachariah’s secretary, Bela and he made his way to Zachariah’s office. Bobby had dropped him at the office, wishing him good luck. Dean had replied with a cocky smile on his face that he didn't need luck. And it was right, luck had nothing to do with all of that. No. He was Dean. That was his story, his life, and he was taking full control of it. Right now. And it was time to establish some new rules. First rule: screw Zachariah.

Dean pushed the door open loudly, several faces turning to him. Zachariah was apparently making some sort of presentation, because he was standing up while the others sat around the boardroom table, showing them something on a screen. They were all in suits and here was Dean, in his shirt and boobs. And he never felt more comfortable in his whole life. Zachariah offered him a smile and tried to reassure the others.

"This is the young man I was telling you about, he is one of our many good employees."

"Was one of the many good employees." Dean replied, hands in his pocket.

"I beg you pardon son?"

Second rule : screw Sarah.

"I quit. According from now, I'm no one's bitch and I do when I want, I write what I what and when I want. So I quit. You can find yourself another puppet. And yes, I'm going to tell the truth. But that will be the last thing I do for you."

Third rule : no more lies.

"And finally... Go screw yourself you two faces hairless douche."

With that, Dean kissed his middle fingers and showed it to Zachariah, throwing a wink in the process, before he got out of the office, a bright smile on his face. He went to the elevator humming Cherry Pie, swinging his hips in the process. Because damn Sam was right, he looked hot into those jeans.

_You're a regulation hottie, own it._

Did Dean just quote Mean Girl? But screw it, he was fine.

He pressed the elevator button and as soon as the door opened, he went inside. He ignored the few looks the employees gave him, apparently when you were on the boss floor, you had to wear a suit. Well fuck that. Dean took his phone out of his pocket and sent a text to Cas.

"I know you probably won't talk to me right now. But please, be at the journal office tomorrow around one p.m. Please, you won't regret it." And the last rule? Get the man he loved.

~~~

"Are you sure you don't want me to come? You're doing this alone?" asked Sam over the phone.

"No... I'm fine. I'm doing this one on my own." answered Dean, pacing alone in the room.

There he was, no turning back. He had managed, with Ash and Jo help's to set up a meeting in the room where all of this had begun, the night of the party. Sarah was supposed to be here and sign some autographs, people had to show up. Dean knew people would show up. And he would tell the whole truth. Clean slate, new beginning. And no, he wasn't nervous. Okay, maybe a little. And maybe that was why he was pacing backstage. But for one, in months probably, he could say he had the situation under control. Everything was under control.

"And don't you have some exams to pass or something?"

"Yep. I have one in ten minutes... or less. Crap." Dean laughed.

"So what the fuck are you doing on the phone with me?"

"Just checking up on you. Plus, I want to hear you say it."

"Say what?"

"That I'm the best brother in the world and you're going to be fine, just because of me."

"... That's never going to happen. All you did was making me hot chocolate." Dean snarled, trying to get Sam mad.

"Hey! That hot chocolate was good and you know it!"

"Yeah maybe... But really, gotta thank Bobby."

"And who called Bobby you sorry asshole?"

"Hmmm... My personal angel?" Dean teased.

"Oh shut up!" Sam said laughing. "Will it kill you to say thank you for once?"

"Thank you Sam... Really... Promise I will hug you when all of this is over."

"Ew... you're trying to make me gay aren't you?"

"Yes Sam, my goal in life is to make you as gay as possible... Hell, I'm almost there."

"Just because I put product in my hair!"

"Dude... You spend hours in front of a mirror taking care of your hair. That invalids all your arguments, so shut up."

"Well..." Sam laughed again. "I gotta go okay. Be careful. And Dean? I'm sure everything will be fine."

"Yeah, yeah. If not I'll come for more hot chocolate. You ace those exams Sammy, okay?"

"Dean please, don't insult me, I got this covered."

"Yeah, whatever, quit bragging kid... Gotta go, okay?"

Jo was making him a sign, apparently, everyone was here. Okay, showtime.

Dean took a deep breath and went to the stage. There were more people than the first time and he even got some applause as he made his way to the stage. But seriously, none of this mattered. Dean didn't react when Jo handed him the microphone, he was too busy scanning the room. A lot of people but he just needed one person to be there... However, Castiel was not here. He had scanned the room twice now, complete silence as people were staring at him. Plus, he had asked Jo to warn him if Cas showed up. But Castiel didn't... His stomach curled again and Dean swallowed.

_This isn't about him, Dean. Remember? It's about you._

"Hi... Some of you know might remember me... I'm Dean Winchester. I know you're all here today cause... You want to see Sarah Wesson. But the truth is..."

Castiel _was_ here.

Dean stopped, heart beating fast as Castiel closed the door behind him and then turned to the stage, looking at Dean. Just like the first time, he was wearing a black suit and had his beige trench coat in hands. But unlike the first time, his sight made Dean's heart raced and a bright smile appeared on his face. Castiel was here. Dean cleared his throat and when he talked this time, his eyes were glued on Cas.

"The truth is... There is no Sarah Wesson and never will be. The first time I was on that stage, I lied to everyone, pretending to be her assistant. But I'm not the assistant. I'm the one who reads the mails and answered them. I'm the one who's been helping you deal with your issues over the past few years... I'm the one who wrote everything. I created Sarah to hide myself from everyone. But I can't do that anymore. I lied, and I'm sorry about this, but trust me, I meant every word I wrote. All I wanted was to help people, I don't if I'm good at this, but I like my job. A lot. So ifyou're looking for some help, don't ask Sarah. Ask me. Dean."

Dean finally stopped looking at Castiel, looking at the audience instead. People were surprised, and shocked. Dean closed his eyes, waiting for the worse. "Excuse me Mr Winchester?" He opened his eyes, some lady had her hand raised.

"Yes?" "So what you're saying is that you're not gonna answered to the mails anymore?"

"Well I..." Jo snatched the microphone out of his hands and responded.

"No, he will be answering the mails and giving you some help. But as Dean. We're gonna put a website and everyone could come ask question. It will be free off course."

Dean looked at her with a "what the fuck?" face. It was an excellent idea, he should have thought of that sooner.

"Well it's good for me." replied the lady and she started applauding.

And the other people followed.

Wait what?

Dean was expecting everything... But not this? People kept clapping their hands, giving him a full standing ovation.

Wow...

He shook his hands nervously and turned to Jo, mouthing "thank you." She came close to him and whispered at his ear.

"This is usually the moment when you go get your man." Oh... right, Cas. Dean scanned the room again... He was gone... No freaking way.

And Dean ran... He ran crossing the room ignoring the people around him and walked into the room at full speed, pushing the door opened with his feet. No, no, no please. Cas came for him, it had to meant something, right, right? He couldn't just go like that? Dean turned on his spot, trying to find Castiel. He smiled when he saw him across the street.

"CAS!"

Castiel turned his head slightly and he smiled. But he didn't stop. He kept walking, just like Dean wasn't there. Wait what? Dean watched him completely stunned before he decided to follow him anyway, screaming his name.

_Please don't go, don't go._

But Castiel was not going anywhere, sure, he was walking fast, but he turned from time to time, just to make sure Dean was following. They ended up in the park, where they had first kiss. And when Dean finally caught up with the other man, he found him sitting on the fountain smiling. Dean took a deep breath and sat next to Cas. Just like the first time, knees brushing. Castiel turned to him and extended a hand.

"Hi I'm Castiel Novak, I'm a literary teacher, I used to be madly in love with a woman but I lost her. And you are?" Dean shook his hand, and still holding it, he answered.

"Dean Winchester, currently unemployed. I just quit my job. I was a writer, pretending to be someone else, but now I'm gonna be me."

"Nice to meet you Dean. You seem like the kind of guy I could fall in love with. "

"That's strange, because I was going to say the same thing about you."

"Well... we should try it sometimes."

"Yeah definitely, are you free on..."

Dean didn't let Castiel finish his sentence and he kissed him, hands on his face. No need for words in a moment like this, not when their tongues were nicely wrapping around one another, saying I love you in ways words couldn't. Because it was a good day, and Dean was kissing the man he loved, Castiel.

And later, they would part and too eager to wait, they would make love hidden in the bushes. Maybe it wasn't the most romantic thing of the world, but when Dean would push into Castiel, seeing him so free after such a long time... It would be good.

But right now, he was just kissing Castiel, fully knowing who he was.

_Hello I'm Dean Winchester, I'm a writer. I've got a boyfriend named Castiel, an annoying little brother Sam and a awesome uncle Bobby._

_And Sarah Wesson is not my name._


End file.
